Letting off some steam

There are very few people in my life that I turn to when I am in dire need of letting off some steam. There aren't very many instances where I feel like I really HAVE to do this, but when I do, I feel like I will go insane if I don't.

Everything will be going smoothly, until suddenly something happens and my mind goes haywire. It will be the tiniest of things that set it off too, which makes me even more livid afterwards! Suddenly, my mind is going through all the things I may have done to deserve it. I go through all the options and settle on one that I think is the most plausible. That thought then turns into my reality, and I start to believe it. And once I believe it, my blood boils because I start taking my anger out on the person/situation. I start creating conversations in my head and responses, which I believe to be real replies! And it's just a downward spiral from there. All this happens within 2 minutes after the trigger. 

I hate this because I make up a huge mountain out of a very tiny, minuscule molehill! It makes me feel and think things that I immediately regret! Especially when the situation takes a completely different turn than I imagined (which happens 99% of the bloody time)! 

How do I turn my mind off? How do I tell it to shut up? To leave me alone? But I'm pretty sure if it keeps making me feel like this, I'll have to be admitted to a mental asylum.

"And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl"

What do I do?

Anyone who is just starting to choose a career knows that it is a difficult decision to make. It is a life changing decision that takes a lot of time and effort to achieve. That's why when you decide to take one path, you want to make the right choice so that you don't find yourself wanting to change. And like anyone with a career knows, the decision you make may not end up being what you wanted, and therefore you do end up wanting to do something else. Usually, the path you choose will end up being boring to you, unless you really do love your job (good on you if you do!).

Now, I am part of the former - choosing my career. And like a lot people my age, I have absolutely no idea what direction my life is leading me to. Sometimes I wish to travel to the future to see where I end up. I lay in bed wondering what to do with my life. I go through the things I'm good at, and things I know for a fact I can cross off the list (for example, a doctor... I have the attention span of a goldfish, therefore to even go through the studies for this would melt my brain!) The sad thing is that my list of things I'm good at only go so far, therefore my list of careers also only go so far.

I have these dreams of travelling the world, and being a part of an organization that goes around and helps to get rid of poverty. But dreams need to be put into action. And it's that in between part, that motivation that I lack. This laziness limits me from reaching these dreams and also limits my options to choose a career I know I would love. I know I am not a "sit-in-a-cubicle-and-stare-at-a-computer-all-day" type of person. I need to be doing something to keep me moving and to keep me interested (even though I am lazy!).

So where do I get this burst of motivation? This energy that makes other people work hard to get what they want? I want some, and honestly, I need some. I know that I have to do it by myself, and no matter what anyone tells me or shows me, at the end of the day, it is up to me to get of my arse. I am hoping that I get bitten by the "get off your arse" bug sometime in this year so that I can do exactly that. I am so tired of being scared and of thinking I am not capable to reach my goals. If you put your mind to it, you can definitely reach your goal. All there is to it is working hard towards it and never giving up. 

"I know I'm quiet. And I know I should speak more. But if you knew the things that were in my head most of the time, you'd know what it really meant, how much we're alike, and how we've been through the same things. And you're not small, you are beautiful."