Headaches & heart aches

Things that may seem so simple to other girls seems so impossible for me. I don't know how to approach situations like this. I don't know where to begin, where to take a leap of faith, or know when to let go. I don't understand these emotions which makes them even more overwhelming, frustrating, and stressful. It messes with my head and heart!

My head says "NO!" but my heart says "YES!"Which one is right? Which do I follow? The old saying says the heart, but that scares me. What if my heart leads me astray and I end up stranded, on my own. That scares me. To be alone and embarrassed. That's two things I don't ever want to experience together. However, it is really frustrating to know that my fear is what holds me back from certain opportunities. It angers me because I doubt myself and what I may be capable of because of the mindset I have, and because of assumptions I make of myself.

So what do I do? I end up thinking about it all the time. It takes up my free time some days, and I make myself have a lot of that. It messes up my head, and it plays with my heart. I just don't know where to go with this. Instead of acting on it, I over analyze it. I over think it all. Every little bit of it. I'll go over the situations multiple times with different end results just to see where things could have possibly gone. Do you understand how pathetic and how annoying that is? Let me tell you, it's very pathetic and annoying. Very.

And the most ridiculous thing is, the only reason this feeling exists is because (oh so I think) I haven't been given this "opportunity" in a while, and I guess it just hit me like a brick wall ( is that a saying?). I ran head first into this vast ocean, and now I don't know how to get out. I was so over joyed to have the chance to be in this situation that I got way too caught up in it, and now I am so in over my head, it's crazy. 

To top that off, university life isn't treating me fairly either ( or rather, I'm just not giving a care in the world)

"I never knew that everything was falling through.

I wish you were a stranger I could disengage"