What do I do?

Anyone who is just starting to choose a career knows that it is a difficult decision to make. It is a life changing decision that takes a lot of time and effort to achieve. That's why when you decide to take one path, you want to make the right choice so that you don't find yourself wanting to change. And like anyone with a career knows, the decision you make may not end up being what you wanted, and therefore you do end up wanting to do something else. Usually, the path you choose will end up being boring to you, unless you really do love your job (good on you if you do!).

Now, I am part of the former - choosing my career. And like a lot people my age, I have absolutely no idea what direction my life is leading me to. Sometimes I wish to travel to the future to see where I end up. I lay in bed wondering what to do with my life. I go through the things I'm good at, and things I know for a fact I can cross off the list (for example, a doctor... I have the attention span of a goldfish, therefore to even go through the studies for this would melt my brain!) The sad thing is that my list of things I'm good at only go so far, therefore my list of careers also only go so far.

I have these dreams of travelling the world, and being a part of an organization that goes around and helps to get rid of poverty. But dreams need to be put into action. And it's that in between part, that motivation that I lack. This laziness limits me from reaching these dreams and also limits my options to choose a career I know I would love. I know I am not a "sit-in-a-cubicle-and-stare-at-a-computer-all-day" type of person. I need to be doing something to keep me moving and to keep me interested (even though I am lazy!).

So where do I get this burst of motivation? This energy that makes other people work hard to get what they want? I want some, and honestly, I need some. I know that I have to do it by myself, and no matter what anyone tells me or shows me, at the end of the day, it is up to me to get of my arse. I am hoping that I get bitten by the "get off your arse" bug sometime in this year so that I can do exactly that. I am so tired of being scared and of thinking I am not capable to reach my goals. If you put your mind to it, you can definitely reach your goal. All there is to it is working hard towards it and never giving up. 

"I know I'm quiet. And I know I should speak more. But if you knew the things that were in my head most of the time, you'd know what it really meant, how much we're alike, and how we've been through the same things. And you're not small, you are beautiful."

Rant #5 - No one has the right to judge.

It is none of anyone's business what I do or others do with their lives. You have no right to have an opinion on anyone else's life except your own. Unless it's your child or someone you are extremely close with, you don't need to pick on their "flaws" ( I quote that because everyone has flaws, therefore for one person to be picking on someone else's is pretty ironic in my opinion)

It drives me insane how people have shaped society. The norms (MAN-MADE norms) that are in place are ridiculous. The media doesn't help either. Their idea of beauty and health are so far off from reality. They create this false image for people to strive for and, the sad thing is, some people actually do because they feel like it is the only way for them to feel beautiful, confident and above all, happy.

I just hate that people buy into this feeling - myself included. It just makes us hope for something that isn't even real to begin with.

Now, if you are naturally thin or YOU YOURSELF want to be slim, good on you! That's great! But people who feel to have an opinion on someone else's body size and shape need to think before they talk. Unless you are a doctor and a person comes to you for advice, keep your words to yourself, please.

This world is not made of people who look the same. It's contains people of different sizes, shapes, heights, features, personalities, styles, interests and so on. No one has the right to judge others because that person doesn't fall under what you like or consider good. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT so get over it and move on with your life. Just imagine a world where we all look the same? I mean inagine if we were physically, mentally, socially (and whatever else) similar to one another? That would be one BORING world! And knowing mankind, it would still find flaws. But that's besides the point here.

You have no place in another person's life (unless you are the mother of course) to tell them anything about their body. If they are healthy and happy with who they are, they don't need to follow what society views. They are making their life work around what society believes and that's awesome! And if you feel the constant need to negatively comment on someone's body size, shape or flaws in general, take my advice, and stop talking to them. You are not helping their self-esteem or their happiness.

At the end of the day, we are all made of bones. We all have the same insides (physically speaking), just different outsides. Different shells. Unique shells. So accept the differences and live YOUR life.

Now I'm not ignorant. There are exceptions to this, for example, if the person is extremely unhealthy. But even at that point, you have to approach it in a good way, not a critical one. There are no need for harsh words. You are talking to a human being after all, not an object without feelings.

"If you can't lose the weight then you're just fat.

But if you lose too much then you're on crack.

You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't

So you might as well just do whatever you want"

On a rainy day, we must bake!

I decided to bake since it was such a dull day. Not only did I bake cookies, I also baked brownies, but unfortunately, I am a little illiterate and incomprehensible when reading new recipes. In other words, I messed up on the brownies.

But I thought of something fun to do while I baked - I would document them and upload a picture-recipe on here, just for fun :) I am also learning/testing out my Nikon camera, so this was a perfect opportunity!

So here goes my cookie recipe (which I got off of www.allrecipes.com)

You will need: 
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar

3/4 unsalted butter, room temperature

1 egg
1 egg yolk
1/2 tsp baking powder/soda
1 tbsp vanilla extract

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips 

Optional: Wax paper/parchment paper

 

Preheat oven to 350°F (175°C).

Mix the butter, white sugar and brown sugar together, until creamy. If you have a mixer, mix it for about 10 minutes or so.

*Note - DO NOT melt the butter. Better results when it's at room temperature/soft

Next, separate the egg yolk from one egg and add it into the mixture. Add the other egg in as well (not separated) and beat it 

Dissovle baking powder/soda in a little bit of hot water. Add it to the mix.

Also, add in the vanilla extract.

 Then, add the flour, one cup at a time. 

If you do both, your kitchen will look like you had a flour fight with yourself.

Finally, fold in the chocolate chips. Add as much or as little as you'd like. 

It's all up to your preference. 

 Then, either grease and flour your cookie trays or put wax paper on it to prevent the cookies from sticking. (I used wax paper)

Either use your clean hands, a scoop or just a spoon to make balls. Make them as big or as small (not too small of course) as you'd like. You could also make a giant one, just saying :) 

 15-20 minutes later, your cookies are all ready to be devoured! 

*CAUTION: Cookies may be hot!

I hope the cookies turn out as great as they did for me! Remember, have fun making them! 

"May our hearts be full like our drinks tonight
May we sing and dance 'til we lose our minds
We are only young if we seize the night
Tonight we own the night"

Fallember

November might just be my favourite month! The trees change colour completely and begin to let go of their leaves! It signifies a new start, in my opinion. Starting all over again from the bottom. It reminds me that everything is a cycle. It begins, grows, shares its moments, and eventually disappears into this vast world of ours. It reminds me to take a deep breath and not worry so much about the little things in life because they will pass and I will handle it accordingly. Nothing is given to you that you can't handle. Everything put into your life is there for a reason.

I just love the reds, yellows, oranges, and greens mixed together! So much beauty surrounds us on a daily basis and it shouldn't be hard for us to acknowledge it. It's put on this earth for us to enjoy and remember that our lives are only a teeny tiny part of the universe, so we should live it in the best way possible.

During this time, hot beverages become a staple drink, hats are pulled out, different scarves are worn, boots are pulled out, and sweaters become a regular. I somehow love wearing sweaters, scarves, and boots. I just feel so... FALL-IE! I absolutely love fall, because it's not hot but it's not extremely cold - as in, it's not in the MINUSES just yet. Although, it gets cold at this time, if you dress properly, you'll enjoy it! And I do (for the most part)!

"When I was walking in Memphis

I was walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale"

New music!

Hoodie Allen ft. Jhameel - No Faith In Brooklyn

Passenger - I Hate (Live)

The Cab - Angel With A Shotgun

Drake - The Language

Hedley - Anything

Britney Spears - Work B***h

Passenger - Let Her Go

"You've been acting awful tough lately. Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately. But inside, you're just a little baby"

Quick update

For those of you who don't know me, and who read this (are there any of you out there?), I am not an old lady who complains about things she has missed out in life or things she "realizes" she is doing that is making her miss life. I actually do love my life and the people in it.

First off, I do seem to "realize" things a lot in this blog, because all my posts seem to surround that theme. Now, I'm guessing that is the only way for me to express what I want to write and therefore my thoughts flow much better when I say that. OR my vocabulary and formation of sentences is very poor. Either way, I apologize.

Secondly, though I write about how sad my life is and the opportunities I let slip by, I do actually like living (as weird as that may sound). I am not a grumpy person, nor am I a sad one. I actually am a very happy person on a regular basis, with a few complaints (okay A LOT) here and there, but at the end of the day, I thank God that I made it through another day with people that I love and with the privileges I have. I am not some spoiled kid behind a computer, I actually understand and appreciate the things I do have in my life. I just don't happen to write those down - for some odd reason.

For those of you who care, I am not that bad of a person. I just happen to write about the bad feelings I have. For those who don't, well, I'm sorry for wasting your time.

"Why do we let the pressure get into our heads?"

Lingering thoughts

I've realized that people's first impression of me might not be so good because I'm one of those people that can not keep a conversation going, therefore it just seems awkward or dull talking to me. I don't do much in my life that is exciting or interesting to share with people. When I say "my life is boring", I'm being completely honest because I don't do anything with my life. I don't read books that are interesting to spark a conversation, I don't watch things that can be used as a topic, and I don't follow the news as much as I should. 

In a sense, I feel like I'm not that educated or well-rounded as I'd like to be. I know the solution to this problem, but there is a problem with the solution. I'm a big procrastinator. And I envision my life being something but I am never motivated enough to work hard to get that life. I see myself doing big things and it kills me inside to know that I will never reach it. People around me always tell me to work hard and jump at opportunities, but I can't. I hate saying it, but I really cannot. I choke. I choke to the point where I cry. I'm so scared of failure. I'm terrified. I'm so scared of getting put down. Part of it is because in my head, all I see is failure. I never ever see myself succeeding, and when I do, I'm more shocked than happy. Everyone else believes in me, but myself. And it sucks. I want to change my mind set. I want to be able to not doubt my abilities, and to achieve the life I have always dreamt of having. 

I want to be able to talk to a complete stranger and actually have an intellectual conversation with them. I want to be able to keep up the conversation, to share my opinions on things. But I always think that my opinions, my interests, are far from what people want to hear or talk about. Sometimes, I'm so scared of even letting a little bit of my opinion slip out of my mouth on certain things that I just agree with everyone around me.

I can see myself improving with sharing my opinions though. I'm not as afraid to share them as I was before. For example, if I'm having a conversation with my friends, I can actually articulate to them what I think without feeling stupid or unintelligent. But that's also because the friends I have don't actually shoot me down for sharing my point of view on something (love that about them)! 

______________

People come and go. I've been feeling like people are leaving my life more than their coming in. One by one, everyone is just walking away from me. They aren't doing it intentionally (I hope) but rather, they are moving on while I'm still stuck in the past. I think I'm gonna be the cat lady (well dog lady since I don't particularly like cats).

In all honesty though, I've come to terms with the people that are out of my life. They came into my life, made an imprint and left. That's what is supposed to happen. As long as the people that are really close to me don't leave me behind, I think I can survive this world. The only people I do need beside me are the ones that are willing to stick by me no matter what happens in my life or this world because at the end of the day, when the world is ending, they are the ones I want to spend my last moments with!

All we need to do is focus on the good times of those that left and create some more good ones with those that stayed :)

"We should take a walk someday, dream about what we could have been"