Never

Never let people make you feel belittled
Never loose confidence in something you are really good at
Never feel obligated to please everyone
Never change for someone else
Never let someone control you and your decisions
Never let someone make you feel like you did something wrong when you did not
Never do something because your friends are doing it
Never assume you know something when you really don't
Never give up on something that you really & truly believe in
Never give up on your dreams
Never be afraid to try new things
Never judge an experience you have never tried before
Never judge a person on their looks
Never judge.
Never think you are alone in the world
Never think you cannot do something
Never limit yourself
Never let your flaws control what you can do
Never hold a grudge on someone you love
Never wish badly on someone else's life
Never underestimate people and their capabilities
Never stop doing something that makes you happy
Always be kind
Always smile
Always tell them you love them
Always give people the benefit of the doubt
Always be grateful for what you have
Always value yourself
Always love

"Don't do nothin' 'less your heart's in it

Don't do nothin' 'less you're all in it"

You have a right to have an opinion...

...But I have a right to disagree with your opinion. And I will.

[This is a little something I wrote back in 2013 and I thought I'd share it on here. I stand by this opinion till today because it still astounds me how people are putting such an effort against LGBTQ instead of focusing that energy on other things - like human trafficking for example.]

It astounds me to know that people are so against gay marriages and gay people. There are so many other issues at hand that need the same amount of attention - if not more - to solve but people focus on things that they feel is "not right" or "against God's word".

Poverty, women's rights, educational rights (and so much more) are issues that are affecting far more people and need more attention and support. These issues are prevalent, dominant and affect not only those who are victims of them, but humanity as a whole. When a girl gets shot for wanting to learn, or a child has his childhood taken away from him because he has to work to support himself and/or his family, that's when you know that society's priorities are twisted for focusing on minuscule things. People only sympathize with these kinds of issues, but they do not know what it is really like to be living that way. They do not have the slightest clue, unless they remove themselves from their environment and insert themselves in a situation like this. Most of these people won't even know what it's like to have half the things us privileged people do. Yet, people want to fight against a LOVE between two people.

I understand that you have to defend your faith and stand up for what you believe in. But when what you believe in is unwarranted, you have to reconsider your position. I mean, does someone who is gay physically or mentally hurting you in any way? Does it make you immobile? Does it prevent you from living your life? Most definitely not. It is just something that you do not think is "normal". Well I don't think that genetically modifying food is "normal" either yet it still happens and most people buy it. I mean, food should be grown the way they are meant to grow, not in a way that benefits US. My point is that what we consider "normal" is really not "normal", for a lack of a better word. As the days, months, years, and decades go by, things change. And we adapt to these changes. It's like when a new virus comes along. We can't really get rid of the virus, so we just inject some of the virus into our body so we become immune to it, so we adapt to it.

Why exactly can't we do that with gay marriages? Why can't people adapt to the idea that maybe there isn't only one type of couple, maybe there is more? Maybe two of the same sex CAN and DO love each other?  From what I learned about God, if you have faith in him, he will love you. Isn't that the basis of it all? So can't a person who is LABELLED as a gay person have the same faith as a person who is straight? Is it not a possibility?

If you live a life with an open mind, you will begin to see what a beautiful world this is and what a horrific place man has made it.

"A preconceived idea of what it all meant for those that liked the same sex; had the characteristics.

The right wing conservatives think it's a decision and you can be cured with some treatment and religion - man-made rewiring of a predisposition.

Playing God, aw nah here we go - America the brave still fears what we don't know.

And "God loves all his children" is somehow forgotten but we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago" 

Lost

Something's wrong and I don't know what.
I'm emotionally, mentally and physically lost right now.
I just want to hide away from the world,
To take a break from life.
It's hard to put my finger on it
Because there is so much happening.
I'm keeping myself busy,
Or running away.
I'll suppress it as best as I can,
Hoping it'll leave me alone.
And just when I think everything is okay,
I'm drowning in a flood of it all.
Something's wrong,
And I don't have the strength to hide any more.

"Settle down, it'll all be clear.

Don't pay no mind to the demons,

They fill you with fear.

The trouble—it might drag you down;

If you get lost, you can always be found"

Hopelessly Weird

I am the girl:

• who gets goosebumps or cries at a happy ending.
• who, if given the choice, would pick a romantic comedy over anything because I like to get lost in that fictional world where everything is predictable.
• whose music taste consists of any song that is basically acoustic or mainstream/on the radio.
• who over thinks things and then over thinks about over thinking 
• who loves and hates wearing eye make-up because I hate having to remove it at the end of the day
• who cannot be in "outting clothes" (basically any outfit I wear to leave my house) in the house. I have to immediately change into boxers and a baggy T-shirt
• who absolutely LOVES fictional police shows not because of the crimes they solve, but because of the potential love story that might occur or the relationship between the different characters. (Example: CASTLE - Beckett & Castle's relationship; HAWAII FIVE-0 - Steve & Dano's friendship) I fall for what happens in between the solving-of-crimes 
• who listens to Mozart or other instrumental music while writing papers
• who orders Starbucks even when I don't really drink coffee and don't really have the money to spend (YOLO?)
• who (secretly) loves listening to the radio - not knowing what song is on next just gets me :)
• who can't go a day without her phone - I can go days without calling/texting people, but just physically not touching my phone, yeah I can't do that. 
• who cannot finish a book if it doesn't interest me - although I am trying to change this

"I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife"

RANT #6 - It's time for another one

I'm in dire need of letting off some steam, so here goes it.

BELL

Where do even begin? We switched to you a few years back now, and up until about 5 months ago, you were pretty decent. Now, with your new system, all we have been doing is speaking with customer service EVERY month just so you can fix something or the other. Like what's going on? Are you having problems? If so, please let me know so I can brace myself for when you meltdown. Or is it the fact that you just cannot perform properly under all the pressure? Whatever it is, please fix yourself. Because if we have to deal with another problem now, I give you my word when I say, you will be losing a customer. Cancelling a customer's account, overcharging them, internet troubles every other week, TV troubles every other week... Seriously the list just goes on. I am a frustrated human being who needs to be consoled. Fixing yourself will console me. Not having problems with you anymore will console me.

WIND

Oh goodness, you my enemy, you have to sit down for this one. I come to you thinking you are the best deal amongst every offer out there. And, money wise, you definitely are. But your service, my goodness, your service sucks. You tell me I have unlimited data, yet it doesn't work half the time. You tell me I have nation-wide service, yet it hardly works in my own city. Funny story actually. One day, I was about two feet away from your store and I had no signal. Are you kidding me? I am standing right by your store and I don't have signal? Now that's gotta be a prank of some sort? Definitely.. because the service cannot be THAT SHIT! Oh but it can. As soon as I go 20 mins away from where I live, you tell me that I am "Roaming"... What? So basically, I only have signal and service when I am at home? Oh yeah, that's wonderful, because I so desperately need my phone when I am in the comfort of my home. To add to that, I will be in one building and have perfectly good signal, but as soon as I step into a nearby building, it's gone. Or the best one yet.. when it tells me I have full bars but WON'T LET ME SEND MESSAGES OR CALL OUT! Why? Why? WHY?!?!

PERSONAL SPACE

Have you ever been in line at a store and have a person behind you invade your personal (invisible) bubble? Some people don't know this concept I guess because they stand so close to you that you could hear their breathing. BACK OFF! Please! I don't know you well enough for you to be "all up in my grill like that!" And even if I did know you, personal space is personal space. Stop invading my bubble just because you don't have one! Ughhh, people sometimes...

PUBLIC TRANSIT - BUS 

I'm pretty sure I have already expressed my dislike for this, but it continues to occur and continues to make my blood boil.
I actually like taking buses, not going to lie. I mean, if I can rather drive or get a ride, taking the bus just seems pointless. But when I have to, I will. I don't have a problem with it. Now, on a regular day, I plan my trip so that I arrive about 10 minutes before ( I know I know, bad idea, but I do it anyway). I like to get to the stop a few minutes, just in case.
So here I am, walking to the stop 5 minutes before the bus' arrival time. 5 minutes goes by. The bus hasn't arrived. I think, "Okay, maybe it's just a couple minutes late. Whatever, no big deal." I see this girl walk passed me, and all she said to me was "The bus left." She had been waiting at the stop before mine, and I guess she saw it drive by before she reached the stop. You don't understand the anger I felt towards that bus/bus driver. You're gonna tell me that even if I check the schedule and be at the stop 5 minutes before arrival time, I STILL WON'T GET THE BUS?! You've got to be kidding me. Why have a scheduled time then? I understand if you are late, because you still show up. The schedules are made so its an approximate time, taking into consideration no traffic or a lot of traffic. I know that, but c'mon! Am I supposed to be waiting at that stop for 10 minutes so that I don't miss it? That's just ridiculous! I also ended up missing my connecting bus, which made me late for my class. And I hate walking into class late. All those eyes on you. No. Just no.

CASHIER AT T.H. 

My friend ordered the Dark Candy Cane Hot Chocolate (which is delicious by the way!). which tasted like coffee, and was in fact coffee. The lady had put coffee topped with whipped cream and candy cane bits on top. So as she walked by, I said "Excuse me?" I got no answer, so I said it again, a bit louder this time. I'm 98% sure she heard me because one, I don't have a soft voice, and two she wasn't far away from me. Since I was being ignored, when the lady who served me (let's call her lady B) comes back with my order, I  tell her the problem. She turns to the other one and tells it to her. Without directly saying it to us, the lady says rudely, "It's hot chocolate" (meaning it's not coffee, like we claimed). So I replied with, "It tastes like coffee." To which, again indirectly and more rudely, she replied with the same thing. [To back track a little, I was functioning on about 4 hours of sleep so I was not a happy camper at this point] I got so annoyed that she thought we were lying about it, and not even willing to pour it out to see that it was, indeed, coffee (since hot chocolate is much darker). I wanted to tell her, well taste it and tell me what you think because it definitely isn't hot chocolate you dips*** but I didn't because I could never do that. But I did say, "Well, it doesn't taste like hot chocolate!" in such a annoyed and frustrated voice that I shocked myself (haha). Like why argue with us when we are telling you it isn't what we ordered. Why would anyone lie about that? I mean, a hot chocolate is more expensive than a coffee, so it's not about the money.

I understand that it was a busy time at the moment. And having just three of you working drive-thru, cash, and making the food must have been a little overwhelming. But I also know that in those rushed moments, you can make a mistake. And mistakes are completely fine and human. But when you do not own up to those mistakes, or you argue with me and tell me that I am wrong, well lady, I have to be a prick about it. I am not capable of being a complete ass to anyone, but at that moment, if you had tested me even the slightest bit more, I would have gone crazy on you. Caroline plus limited sleep equals a person even I don't recognize.

MY BRAIN, MY HEART

In the words of Nickelback:

Are you waiting on a lightening strike
Are you waiting for the perfect night
Are you waiting 'til the time is right?
Are you waiting for the right excuse?
Are you waiting for a sign to choose?
While you're waiting it's the time you lose
Don't you wanna spread your wings and fly?
Don't you really wanna live your life?
Don't you wanna love before you die?
What are you waiting for?

Do not mope around because you decided to take your time. Do not mope because you thought you had more time than you did. You lost the opportunity not because it was taken from you, but because you didn't take it yourself. An opportunity is not a right; it's not meant to stick around and wait for you to be ready. An opportunity is a privilege and just as it is given to you, it can sure as heck be taken from you. Remember that for next time. Be prepared to seize the moment, because you never know what will happen tomorrow. "Why tomorrow, when there is today." 

"You're gone and I gotta stay high all the time to keep you off my mind"

Why compare ourselves?

Just like the next person, I have body image issues. In today's world, society has plastered the minds of young people like me about what we should look like, and what the ideal body image is. It has made the body a marketing scheme without thinking of the repercussions of it all. But what's even sadder is that, even after realizing the consequences body-shaming has, society (and media) continues to do it. It has became a norm for people to hate their body image and hide their flaws...

It's like human beings don't matter any more. Human beings are just another commodity in this money making world. What can I sell to them now? What can they buy into now? What can they sell to us? How can we make money off of these measly things? It's as if the ones running these things are aliens who are using us as puppets. We are guided in life by the puppeteer who points us in the next new fad, whether it be a diet or make-up. Why is it that we, as human beings, cannot accept the world as it is? Why must we have to change it all the time?

People who are thin think they are too thin.People who are fat think they are too fat. People who are medium-sized, think they are either too thin or two fat. So what exactly is the "right size" to be? What IS the ideal body type? Because from what I know, no ONE person has the same body shape or type. You may have similar body types, but they are not the same. So where did this notion for an "ideal" body image come from?

The answer, I think, is media. Media made it possible for people to compare each other and idealize people who were put in the spotlight. People see these "idols" as perfect because they assume that, because this person looks that particular way, she and/or he became famous. Because she has short blonde hair, blue eyes, nice boobs, and a nice arse, she became successful in life. The fact of the matter is, those who are in the spotlight are seen as highly successful people because they are "living the life." 

If there were no such thing as celebrities, do you think there would be such a high rate of low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence? I think there would be a much lower rate because people would not really have anything to compare too, other than the people they saw around them. But if it was not such a big thing to begin with, no one would be doing it. The media puts such pressure on the celebrities, and influences the minds of others, hence the concept of an ideal body image. If there was no media, you eliminate the influencer. You eliminate the problem.

Although more and more people are trying to break the idea of an "ideal body image", it's still hard to walk around with your head held high in pride. People still judge you no matter what. And I guess I can't expect things to change over night, because this world doesn't work that way. People don't work that way. We are programmed to put people down in order for us to feel happy and feel like we matter.

What we have to remember is, "Don't care what people think of you." Although this is extremely hard to do, you have to take it with a pinch of salt. People are cruel, we know that. People are judgemental, we know that too. We just have to keep our heads up and realize that for every one cruel person, there is at least one awesome person. That person doesn't see you for size or race or height, he/she sees you for you. For your personality. Your quirks. Your talents. Whether this person is your mother, your father, your friend, your teacher, your co-worker. You have to think of and store all the good things in life, and let go of the bad ones. 

Realize that everyone is different. No one is the same... actually, let me rephrase that. Everyone is the same on the inside, but different on the outside. We are all made of bones. We are all created by the same process. However, although we may have similar birth stories, and identical internal parts, our outsides are unique... Quirky... Different. You know how people say, "It's what's on the inside that counts"? Yeah well, that's wrong. It's what's outside that counts. Our appearance tells us apart from each other. Why would we want to / have to change it just so we can all look the same? So that we can all have the same "ideal body image'? Can you imagine a world like that? That's one BORING world, let me tell you. 

Over the past few weeks, I came across some posts that actually initiated this whole blog post. This issue has always been at the back of my mind because I struggle with it on a daily basis, but these articles made me take a step back and re-evaluate how I view myself and how I view the world. I realized that I need to change my outlook on this issue and realize that there's no way that I can fit this ideal image and THAT'S OKAY! 

Love yourself. Be who you are, not what other people what you to be. 

• 5 Things: Feeling Better In Your Skin
• Why You Need To Heal Your Damaged Body Image
• When Your Ideas of Yourself Is Lost In Someone Else

"They tell us from the time we're young to hide the things that we don't like about ourselves.

I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else.

Well I'm over it!"

Headaches & heart aches

Things that may seem so simple to other girls seems so impossible for me. I don't know how to approach situations like this. I don't know where to begin, where to take a leap of faith, or know when to let go. I don't understand these emotions which makes them even more overwhelming, frustrating, and stressful. It messes with my head and heart!

My head says "NO!" but my heart says "YES!"Which one is right? Which do I follow? The old saying says the heart, but that scares me. What if my heart leads me astray and I end up stranded, on my own. That scares me. To be alone and embarrassed. That's two things I don't ever want to experience together. However, it is really frustrating to know that my fear is what holds me back from certain opportunities. It angers me because I doubt myself and what I may be capable of because of the mindset I have, and because of assumptions I make of myself.

So what do I do? I end up thinking about it all the time. It takes up my free time some days, and I make myself have a lot of that. It messes up my head, and it plays with my heart. I just don't know where to go with this. Instead of acting on it, I over analyze it. I over think it all. Every little bit of it. I'll go over the situations multiple times with different end results just to see where things could have possibly gone. Do you understand how pathetic and how annoying that is? Let me tell you, it's very pathetic and annoying. Very.

And the most ridiculous thing is, the only reason this feeling exists is because (oh so I think) I haven't been given this "opportunity" in a while, and I guess it just hit me like a brick wall ( is that a saying?). I ran head first into this vast ocean, and now I don't know how to get out. I was so over joyed to have the chance to be in this situation that I got way too caught up in it, and now I am so in over my head, it's crazy. 

To top that off, university life isn't treating me fairly either ( or rather, I'm just not giving a care in the world)

"I never knew that everything was falling through.

I wish you were a stranger I could disengage"