Chain mails to Social Media & Friends Again

Enjoy this extra long, all-over-the-place post!

Remember those days where emailing was a big thing? Where texting was unheard of? When MSN was the way to "text"? Yeah... the good old days where you were not glued to a piece of technology unless you were in your house.

Do you also remember those "Share or you'll be cursed/ you'll die in 10 years/ you don't really love them" emails? The chain mails that we all hated yet we sent them around anyways JUST IN CASE something were to happen (We all know you did it, so stop denying it). We were so terrified that if we did not send the emails that scary looking face that was at the end of the email would haunt us (just like it said on the email) in the dark or in our dreams. Come to think of it, I think I lived in silent fear of those things, though a part of me told me I was stupid in believing in them in the first place.

Well those chain mails have not left us. They have actually gotten worse. They are now possibly everywhere and more subtle. They don't terrorize you as much, or tell you that you will die. They actually play on your sympathy/pity emotions and your beliefs/faith. "Share or you're not a true believer of Jesus".
Then there are some that state "Share if you agree/disagree". Those are the worst because they are so easy to send around. They are probably the most common ones today because people feel the need to share what they think is true and think that everyone should see what they think about their opinion (like I'm about to do...) It's not a bad thing. Some of these things are actually a good read and makes you think or just reflect on life. But there are some out there that are questionable (like most things in life).

Anyways, chain mails have now moved from emails to social media spreading/sharing. So on your Facebook  Timeline or Tumblr Dashboard or Twitter Feed, you will see people post things like quotes, pictures (not of their own) and other stuff that gets your attention and then at the end of the piece, BAM! you're hit with the "Share..." And it sometimes gets to me because, like the little quote/passage I have above, I like the content of it and would like to save it on my computer or join in on the Sharing-it-on-my-wall but the "Share if you agree" part just throws me off. I literally sit there and wonder how I could crop the picture without making it look like I did so.
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This is not why I put this little picture up. I actually wanted to say a few words about it and kind of got carried away... Oops? What follows next is what I actually wanted to say...

I have a few friends like the ones described above. The ones that I can go days and months without speaking, but when we do catch up, it's like we never had that huge break between us. It's never awkward, it's never silent. We can spend the entire night just talking. It's a great feeling actually. You can feel the connection, the bond between the two of you and you know that no matter what, this person will always be in your life, whether you speak every day or five times a year. That friendship is strong and not even distance can break it.

I have to say though, sometimes I feel like the friendship is weak. And that we are drifting apart. Drifting apart from people I'm close to in something that hurts me as well as scares me a lot! I just feel left out and unwanted, and my brain makes a run for it and goes into the deep end of things where everything is dark and cold. It leaves me in an unhappy place. I realize that this isn't a good thing - to be questioning the friendship - but usually, it's a figment of my imagination. It only hits me that I have created this feeling inside me when we hang out because I realize that it isn't like I pictured at all. The friendship is still there. If you can talk to someone for hours and be around them in silence and not feel uncomfortable, that friendship is gold (or so I think).

How did I go from emails to friendships? Weird...

"That gun is loaded but it's not in my hands"

Music to my ears

Music that I have recently discovered on YouTube :) Their voices make my heart beat fast and melt even faster! 

Frero Delavega - Pumped Up Kicks (Cover)

Alex Goot, Kurt Schneider & Chrstina Costanza - Beauty and the Beat (Cover)

Max Schneider & Kurt Schneider - Give Me Love (Cover)

Alex Goot & Chad Sugg - Save Tonight (Cover)

Boyce Avenue - One That Got Away (Cover)

Bastille - Flaws (Acoustic)

"'Cause baby you're a firework!"

Fight the break of dawn

For the past two months, I have walked around saying "I hate the educational system". It has caused me to be nonchalant about things that, in the past, would have affected me greatly. It has justified my actions (or lack thereof).

But I realized that I don't hate it, I just find it really difficult to adjust to. It did not meet up with my expectations, although I know nothing ever does. The problem is, at the beginning, it was such a new experience for me, a different environment, a different attitude. I could do what I want, when I wanted. It felt great. I felt free.

Then the walls began to close in. Closer and closer they got. And soon enough, I was stuck. And all the stress, and frustration that was gradually building up and without my knowledge it was drowning me. It was all falling down faster than I expected, faster than I thought it would. I thought I would have a lot more time to get myself out of it, to run, to swim, to just be free. I was not so lucky though. No, luck had nothing to do with it. I was just not smart enough to realize what was happening.

Once I felt the walls cave in, and everything slip away from me, I shut down. I became this person who cared very little about what happened in that world. I cared little about the causes of the stress and frustration. I would find justifications and excuses for what was happening. I basically gave up.

And it felt so good. It felt amazing. Things did not affect me as much. I did whatever I wanted with the least amount of stress. I just did not care. My priorities were twisted into a ball of mess. Internet/TV/Friends over education. I would find something or the other to do that would keep me occupied and away from the heaps of assignments I had. I kept myself distracted for hours on end, occasionally thinking about the work I had, and then brushing it off. This way of life gave me such a nonchalant look at life; made life just seem so easy.

Something else that fuelled my "I give up" attitude was YouTube. I started watching videos sometime last year and basically began following the lives of these 18 to 25 year old youtubers. I would not say that I am completely obsessed with them, I just like to watch their videos and see their pictures - they are a bunch of good looking peeps! Anyways, the point is that I started to sort of envy them because I was comparing the life they had to the life I was living. I was not comparing every single detail of it, just the parts where they seem to be doing things and having loads of fun whilst I was just here, being a hermit. I should add that I am afraid of doing new things and meeting new people (for reasons that will not be disclosed here) which is rather unfortunate because I am a person who would really love to meet new people and do things without being afraid! I kept watching their videos and wondering how come they seem to be having the life that I have wanted to have for so long.

Then I woke up. I was no longer sinking to the bottom. No longer looking at the depths of my life falling apart. I was no longer watching the walls come down on me. What I was doing, what I am doing is not good. It's far from healthy and it's far from reality. I needed to realize that comparing my life to others was so pointless and stupid of me. I had to open my eyes and see that I do have loads of fun, but in different ways. I do have chances to laugh, cry, watch movies, share things with other people. I have people in my life that make me happy and that's all I need. As for the education part, I had a small wake-up call because I realized that I was limiting myself. I have such high hopes and dreams for my life that what I am doing now and was doing in the past will bite me in my derriere. I have the potential to succeed in the educational system and, most importantly, I have the opportunity. So I might as well do my best with what I got and maybe, in the future, the things I would like to do and try will happen.

I just need to learn to go with the flow. I need to learn that giving up, though it makes you feel light as a feather, also limits you later on in life. It actually limits you from the dreams that you've set yourself.

My point of this rather long essay-type post is that I don't hate education, I was just being a little wuss and running away from something that was slightly more difficult than I expected. I was taking the easy way out, when we all know that if you work hard, you can play harder! Being nonchalant about things is not bad, but there is a time and place for it, and my timing and application of it was off. I just need to take everything, from my social life to my education life, day by day and hopefully it will pay off in the end ! :)

"Save tonight and fight the break of dawn. Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone"

I karate chopped a spider...

... or maybe it karate chopped me?

THURSDAY'S EVENTFUL MORNING

I was going about my regular routine. Catching the latest possible bus so I can sleep in a little bit longer (my bed is my bestest friend in the whole world). I wake up about an hour before my departure time. I do the usual - brush teeth, get dressed, and go down. I pretend that I want to eat breakfast (I only eat breakfasts on weekends). I drink a glass of water because I hear my mum's voice saying "when you wake up, the first thing you do is drink a glass of water". All of a sudden, the thought crosses my mind that I have not seen a spider in my kitchen lately (apparently, spiders think my house is a hotel). So I decide to look around the kitchen, and WHAT DO YOU KNOW, a spider is sitting on the wall. I start to internally freak out, but I have to get rid of it so I align myself on the wall to see if it has been killed and left to show other spiders their deadly future. It was very much alive.

Now here comes the hard part - killing it. I looked around my house for a fly swat, but it was hiding from me because it wanted to see me faint and freak out. So I decided to use a slipper. The problem with using shoes and slippers, I've noticed, is that if the bloody thing is almost near the crease of the wall, it renders my killing tactics from being effective. But I attempted it anyways...

What happened next made me freak out, feel embarrassed, and then ultimately laugh at myself. I hit the spider, but with my luck, and aim, and lack of hand-eye coordination, I missed the spider. The gust of wind that was created from the smack on the wall made the spider fall... towards me. Here's a girl who is petrified of bugs, especially spiders, and here's her very fear falling down on her. I turned into the 5th member of The Wiggles. I shook my entire body in such a way that if someone had to walk in on me at that moment, they would have thought I was having some kind of seizure or something. After what felt like 10 years (but really it was  a minute or two, tops), I stopped shaking and jumping and wiggling, and turned to my floor to find the little sucker to take away his second chance of life because he took away about 10 years of my life in those few minutes. After about another minute of searching, I decided to give up. My eyes automatically went to the wall to make sure he was not there, BUT the unfortunate bugger did not learn his lesson and was at eye level now, which gave me a lot more confidence (revved with vengeance) than I had before.

Everyone knows the ending to this brave story.

SUMMER 2013

• Take a long drive by myself and/or with friends just for fun
• Read at least 5 books
• Take the tube downtown
• Attempt to have a social life rather than an internet life
• Camping/Cottaging
• Sleepovers
• Disney Movie Marathon
• Buy movies I have/still will watch over again
• Bungee jump! - my ultimate summer goal! 
• Create a picture collage on my wall

"I don’t know if I’ll fall asleep tonight 'cause you won’t, just won’t get off my mind"