Summer and other stuff

SUMMER

A perfect summer's day would be sunny with some clouds and a cool breeze. I want some clouds so that the sun can hide for a couple seconds or minutes, allowing the breeze to cool me down and allow me to enjoy the weather rather than just feeling like I'm melting! I don't like the heat, but I love summer because of the atmosphere. Everyone seems happier, out of hibernation, and just summery (never use the word itself to describe it!)

I love the fact that I can go to the beach and swim for hours, and that I can sit outside at night without a winter jacket. I love that we can drive with the windows down and our hands out just flowing with the wind! I love just having to slip on flats or slippers instead of wearing socks and boots all the time! I love painting my toe nails and actually being able to show off the colour I painted! I love BBQs!

PEDICURE

I went for my first professional pedicure. It was heavenly. I was always ashamed of some stranger touching my feet and judging them because, well I don't have perfect feet. (Who does though?) And the idea of touching feet that are not yours is, well YUCK! I applaud the spa people who do this for a living. When the lady was cleaning my feet, all I kept thinking was "This is her job. Imagine you having to clean people's feet." I just cannot. I don't have a phobia of touching people's feet, I just would rather not CLEAN and scrub someone else's feet.

OH! But I forgot the best part! They had massaging chairs! They were amazing! For the price we paid, we got our feet cleaned, scrubbed, massaged and painted, AND we got a full back, neck and head massage! Worth my money any day! ;)

CRUSHING BUGS

I don't mind killing spiders. Actually, it has become an instinct of mine to kill any creepy crawlies I see, which is sometimes inhumane of me, but I can't help it. They freak me out! Imagine this: a spider/ant/centipede climbing up your leg, their legs touching your bear skin, crawling and crawling! Typing that gives me shivers! Anyways, as I was saying, I don't mind killing bugs, under one condition; I should not be able to hear any sort of "CRUNCH" OR "CRUSHHHH" when the bug is in the process of dying. I literally get chills up my spine when I hear the poor (creepy) thing die! I just feel horrible for taking away this life that meant no harm to me but is dying anyways!

RANDOM THOUGHT

Have you ever crushed on someone years ago and still remember what it felt like back then when you meet them again? It's not that you still have a crush on them, it's just that you get flashbacks of those days when you crushed on them. And the weird thing is, this only happens to two people that I've "crushed" on (I say crushed because I was REALLY young when I liked them). Am I the only one this happens to?

"One love, two mouths. One love, one house. No shirt, no blouse. Just us."

On repeat

Lana Del Rey - Summertime Sadness

Bastille - What would you do? (City High Cover)

Calvin Harris ft. Ellie Goulding - I need your love

Miley Cyrus - We can't stop

Chef' Special - Birds

The Neighbourhood - Summer Weather

Robin Thicke ft. Pharrell & T.I. - Blurred Lines

Calvin Harris ft. Tinie Tempah - Drinking from the bottle

We the Kings - Just Keep Breathing

Armin van Buuren ft. Trevor Guthrie - This is what it feels like

"With you I just can't hide. You always seem to get right back inside"

Pessimism

Oh goodness, gracious me. I am such a pessimist. I cannot believe it... Or can I? I always had this image in my head that I was really optimistic about life, but come to think of it, that was just a fantasy. It was something I kept telling myself over and over again until it became a reality for me.

I complain a lot. A lot, a lot. If I ever met myself, I think I would stir clear of me so that I don't have to endure my complaining! How did I become like this? I can remember the days where I always had a smile on my face or just didn't care what the world thought and just did what I felt was right and what put a smile on my face. I never doubted things, I was open to new things, to meeting new people. Now? Now, I'd rather stay at home and watch TV or YouTube and complain that my life isn't going anywhere because "I'm so lazy" or any other excuse I can muster up. (I apologize for saying this very same line in basically all my posts up until now).

Again, oh goodness, gracious me. I need to turn my frown upside down now and immediately take a crash course on how to go from a pessimist to an optimist (any ideas on how to?). Optimistic people have such a great outlook on life and look at everything from the standpoint of what was good about a situation/event. They dwell on the good, not the bad. They know that life goes on and that things happen, and they accept it and just GO WITH THE FLOW.

It's time to just relax and just embrace life as it comes. But that does not mean that I just sit back and have everyone serve me everything I want in life on a platter. I just want to have a positive outlook on the life I have and live and stop wanting things that are either out of my reach or my control. Things happen when they happen. They NEVER happen when you really WANT it, but they happen when you NEED it or when the time is just about right.

"I wish I was from a broken home to explain the fact that I'm cold and alone. But my family is golden, so it's probably just my own fault."

"Because if you were the problem, chances were you could also be the solution."

Funks. Ever heard of those? It is one of those moods in which everything around you depresses you, makes you angry, or just plainly puts you in a not-so-happy mood. Funks also causes you to not want to interact with people, which kind of puts a dent in your social life overall.

Time and time again, I have complained (in my head and once or twice in this blog) that I am a hermit. That I really need to step out of my comfort zone in order to really experience things around me. Unfortunately, I am in these "funk" moods every other day... And I don't even know why! I get offers to go places, do things, but I conveniently find other things to do or just opt out because "I don't feel like going"! You know that saying, "old habits die hard", yeah well whoever came up with that was a genius! It's extremely difficult to change a mentality that you are so comfortable with, so fond of.

And this difficulty has been frustrating me so much. I plan my days, I tell myself every night that when I wake up I am gonna go do something today. But when the sun rises, when I rise, it's like those plans, that motivation just vanishes. It's like the motivation only appears when I am about to close my eyes. (My mind works wonders at night, but during the day it's the laziest thing ever!) I think that this bums me out even more because I make these little goals for myself and when I know that I have failed to reach them or do anything about them, it just makes me feel like a failure.

I don't know what to do. And I'm getting sick of living like this. It's really depressing. I wake up, plaster a smile on my face and make it seem like I'm the happiest kid alive. But I'm at war with myself, everyday. Every night.

I'm not an unhappy person, actually I'm far from it. I just have these "inner conflicts" (I guess that's what they are called) that puts me in a funk and then kind of ruins my day or week for me. I don't want to change my life or the people in it, I just want to be a better person, a person who experiences things and doesn't say no to things just because I have never done it before. Honestly, I just want to expand my horizons, have stories to tell some day in the future.

I don't know, is that asking for too much? Am I being a little childish in thinking that by experiencing things I will get out of my funks? Is that just a fantasy world?

"Get up off my feet and stop making tired excuses"