"Because if you were the problem, chances were you could also be the solution."

Funks. Ever heard of those? It is one of those moods in which everything around you depresses you, makes you angry, or just plainly puts you in a not-so-happy mood. Funks also causes you to not want to interact with people, which kind of puts a dent in your social life overall.

Time and time again, I have complained (in my head and once or twice in this blog) that I am a hermit. That I really need to step out of my comfort zone in order to really experience things around me. Unfortunately, I am in these "funk" moods every other day... And I don't even know why! I get offers to go places, do things, but I conveniently find other things to do or just opt out because "I don't feel like going"! You know that saying, "old habits die hard", yeah well whoever came up with that was a genius! It's extremely difficult to change a mentality that you are so comfortable with, so fond of.

And this difficulty has been frustrating me so much. I plan my days, I tell myself every night that when I wake up I am gonna go do something today. But when the sun rises, when I rise, it's like those plans, that motivation just vanishes. It's like the motivation only appears when I am about to close my eyes. (My mind works wonders at night, but during the day it's the laziest thing ever!) I think that this bums me out even more because I make these little goals for myself and when I know that I have failed to reach them or do anything about them, it just makes me feel like a failure.

I don't know what to do. And I'm getting sick of living like this. It's really depressing. I wake up, plaster a smile on my face and make it seem like I'm the happiest kid alive. But I'm at war with myself, everyday. Every night.

I'm not an unhappy person, actually I'm far from it. I just have these "inner conflicts" (I guess that's what they are called) that puts me in a funk and then kind of ruins my day or week for me. I don't want to change my life or the people in it, I just want to be a better person, a person who experiences things and doesn't say no to things just because I have never done it before. Honestly, I just want to expand my horizons, have stories to tell some day in the future.

I don't know, is that asking for too much? Am I being a little childish in thinking that by experiencing things I will get out of my funks? Is that just a fantasy world?

"Get up off my feet and stop making tired excuses"