Never

Never let people make you feel belittled
Never loose confidence in something you are really good at
Never feel obligated to please everyone
Never change for someone else
Never let someone control you and your decisions
Never let someone make you feel like you did something wrong when you did not
Never do something because your friends are doing it
Never assume you know something when you really don't
Never give up on something that you really & truly believe in
Never give up on your dreams
Never be afraid to try new things
Never judge an experience you have never tried before
Never judge a person on their looks
Never judge.
Never think you are alone in the world
Never think you cannot do something
Never limit yourself
Never let your flaws control what you can do
Never hold a grudge on someone you love
Never wish badly on someone else's life
Never underestimate people and their capabilities
Never stop doing something that makes you happy
Always be kind
Always smile
Always tell them you love them
Always give people the benefit of the doubt
Always be grateful for what you have
Always value yourself
Always love

"Don't do nothin' 'less your heart's in it

Don't do nothin' 'less you're all in it"

You have a right to have an opinion...

...But I have a right to disagree with your opinion. And I will.

[This is a little something I wrote back in 2013 and I thought I'd share it on here. I stand by this opinion till today because it still astounds me how people are putting such an effort against LGBTQ instead of focusing that energy on other things - like human trafficking for example.]

It astounds me to know that people are so against gay marriages and gay people. There are so many other issues at hand that need the same amount of attention - if not more - to solve but people focus on things that they feel is "not right" or "against God's word".

Poverty, women's rights, educational rights (and so much more) are issues that are affecting far more people and need more attention and support. These issues are prevalent, dominant and affect not only those who are victims of them, but humanity as a whole. When a girl gets shot for wanting to learn, or a child has his childhood taken away from him because he has to work to support himself and/or his family, that's when you know that society's priorities are twisted for focusing on minuscule things. People only sympathize with these kinds of issues, but they do not know what it is really like to be living that way. They do not have the slightest clue, unless they remove themselves from their environment and insert themselves in a situation like this. Most of these people won't even know what it's like to have half the things us privileged people do. Yet, people want to fight against a LOVE between two people.

I understand that you have to defend your faith and stand up for what you believe in. But when what you believe in is unwarranted, you have to reconsider your position. I mean, does someone who is gay physically or mentally hurting you in any way? Does it make you immobile? Does it prevent you from living your life? Most definitely not. It is just something that you do not think is "normal". Well I don't think that genetically modifying food is "normal" either yet it still happens and most people buy it. I mean, food should be grown the way they are meant to grow, not in a way that benefits US. My point is that what we consider "normal" is really not "normal", for a lack of a better word. As the days, months, years, and decades go by, things change. And we adapt to these changes. It's like when a new virus comes along. We can't really get rid of the virus, so we just inject some of the virus into our body so we become immune to it, so we adapt to it.

Why exactly can't we do that with gay marriages? Why can't people adapt to the idea that maybe there isn't only one type of couple, maybe there is more? Maybe two of the same sex CAN and DO love each other?  From what I learned about God, if you have faith in him, he will love you. Isn't that the basis of it all? So can't a person who is LABELLED as a gay person have the same faith as a person who is straight? Is it not a possibility?

If you live a life with an open mind, you will begin to see what a beautiful world this is and what a horrific place man has made it.

"A preconceived idea of what it all meant for those that liked the same sex; had the characteristics.

The right wing conservatives think it's a decision and you can be cured with some treatment and religion - man-made rewiring of a predisposition.

Playing God, aw nah here we go - America the brave still fears what we don't know.

And "God loves all his children" is somehow forgotten but we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago" 

Lost

Something's wrong and I don't know what.
I'm emotionally, mentally and physically lost right now.
I just want to hide away from the world,
To take a break from life.
It's hard to put my finger on it
Because there is so much happening.
I'm keeping myself busy,
Or running away.
I'll suppress it as best as I can,
Hoping it'll leave me alone.
And just when I think everything is okay,
I'm drowning in a flood of it all.
Something's wrong,
And I don't have the strength to hide any more.

"Settle down, it'll all be clear.

Don't pay no mind to the demons,

They fill you with fear.

The trouble—it might drag you down;

If you get lost, you can always be found"

Hopelessly Weird

I am the girl:

• who gets goosebumps or cries at a happy ending.
• who, if given the choice, would pick a romantic comedy over anything because I like to get lost in that fictional world where everything is predictable.
• whose music taste consists of any song that is basically acoustic or mainstream/on the radio.
• who over thinks things and then over thinks about over thinking 
• who loves and hates wearing eye make-up because I hate having to remove it at the end of the day
• who cannot be in "outting clothes" (basically any outfit I wear to leave my house) in the house. I have to immediately change into boxers and a baggy T-shirt
• who absolutely LOVES fictional police shows not because of the crimes they solve, but because of the potential love story that might occur or the relationship between the different characters. (Example: CASTLE - Beckett & Castle's relationship; HAWAII FIVE-0 - Steve & Dano's friendship) I fall for what happens in between the solving-of-crimes 
• who listens to Mozart or other instrumental music while writing papers
• who orders Starbucks even when I don't really drink coffee and don't really have the money to spend (YOLO?)
• who (secretly) loves listening to the radio - not knowing what song is on next just gets me :)
• who can't go a day without her phone - I can go days without calling/texting people, but just physically not touching my phone, yeah I can't do that. 
• who cannot finish a book if it doesn't interest me - although I am trying to change this

"I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife"

RANT #6 - It's time for another one

I'm in dire need of letting off some steam, so here goes it.

BELL

Where do even begin? We switched to you a few years back now, and up until about 5 months ago, you were pretty decent. Now, with your new system, all we have been doing is speaking with customer service EVERY month just so you can fix something or the other. Like what's going on? Are you having problems? If so, please let me know so I can brace myself for when you meltdown. Or is it the fact that you just cannot perform properly under all the pressure? Whatever it is, please fix yourself. Because if we have to deal with another problem now, I give you my word when I say, you will be losing a customer. Cancelling a customer's account, overcharging them, internet troubles every other week, TV troubles every other week... Seriously the list just goes on. I am a frustrated human being who needs to be consoled. Fixing yourself will console me. Not having problems with you anymore will console me.

WIND

Oh goodness, you my enemy, you have to sit down for this one. I come to you thinking you are the best deal amongst every offer out there. And, money wise, you definitely are. But your service, my goodness, your service sucks. You tell me I have unlimited data, yet it doesn't work half the time. You tell me I have nation-wide service, yet it hardly works in my own city. Funny story actually. One day, I was about two feet away from your store and I had no signal. Are you kidding me? I am standing right by your store and I don't have signal? Now that's gotta be a prank of some sort? Definitely.. because the service cannot be THAT SHIT! Oh but it can. As soon as I go 20 mins away from where I live, you tell me that I am "Roaming"... What? So basically, I only have signal and service when I am at home? Oh yeah, that's wonderful, because I so desperately need my phone when I am in the comfort of my home. To add to that, I will be in one building and have perfectly good signal, but as soon as I step into a nearby building, it's gone. Or the best one yet.. when it tells me I have full bars but WON'T LET ME SEND MESSAGES OR CALL OUT! Why? Why? WHY?!?!

PERSONAL SPACE

Have you ever been in line at a store and have a person behind you invade your personal (invisible) bubble? Some people don't know this concept I guess because they stand so close to you that you could hear their breathing. BACK OFF! Please! I don't know you well enough for you to be "all up in my grill like that!" And even if I did know you, personal space is personal space. Stop invading my bubble just because you don't have one! Ughhh, people sometimes...

PUBLIC TRANSIT - BUS 

I'm pretty sure I have already expressed my dislike for this, but it continues to occur and continues to make my blood boil.
I actually like taking buses, not going to lie. I mean, if I can rather drive or get a ride, taking the bus just seems pointless. But when I have to, I will. I don't have a problem with it. Now, on a regular day, I plan my trip so that I arrive about 10 minutes before ( I know I know, bad idea, but I do it anyway). I like to get to the stop a few minutes, just in case.
So here I am, walking to the stop 5 minutes before the bus' arrival time. 5 minutes goes by. The bus hasn't arrived. I think, "Okay, maybe it's just a couple minutes late. Whatever, no big deal." I see this girl walk passed me, and all she said to me was "The bus left." She had been waiting at the stop before mine, and I guess she saw it drive by before she reached the stop. You don't understand the anger I felt towards that bus/bus driver. You're gonna tell me that even if I check the schedule and be at the stop 5 minutes before arrival time, I STILL WON'T GET THE BUS?! You've got to be kidding me. Why have a scheduled time then? I understand if you are late, because you still show up. The schedules are made so its an approximate time, taking into consideration no traffic or a lot of traffic. I know that, but c'mon! Am I supposed to be waiting at that stop for 10 minutes so that I don't miss it? That's just ridiculous! I also ended up missing my connecting bus, which made me late for my class. And I hate walking into class late. All those eyes on you. No. Just no.

CASHIER AT T.H. 

My friend ordered the Dark Candy Cane Hot Chocolate (which is delicious by the way!). which tasted like coffee, and was in fact coffee. The lady had put coffee topped with whipped cream and candy cane bits on top. So as she walked by, I said "Excuse me?" I got no answer, so I said it again, a bit louder this time. I'm 98% sure she heard me because one, I don't have a soft voice, and two she wasn't far away from me. Since I was being ignored, when the lady who served me (let's call her lady B) comes back with my order, I  tell her the problem. She turns to the other one and tells it to her. Without directly saying it to us, the lady says rudely, "It's hot chocolate" (meaning it's not coffee, like we claimed). So I replied with, "It tastes like coffee." To which, again indirectly and more rudely, she replied with the same thing. [To back track a little, I was functioning on about 4 hours of sleep so I was not a happy camper at this point] I got so annoyed that she thought we were lying about it, and not even willing to pour it out to see that it was, indeed, coffee (since hot chocolate is much darker). I wanted to tell her, well taste it and tell me what you think because it definitely isn't hot chocolate you dips*** but I didn't because I could never do that. But I did say, "Well, it doesn't taste like hot chocolate!" in such a annoyed and frustrated voice that I shocked myself (haha). Like why argue with us when we are telling you it isn't what we ordered. Why would anyone lie about that? I mean, a hot chocolate is more expensive than a coffee, so it's not about the money.

I understand that it was a busy time at the moment. And having just three of you working drive-thru, cash, and making the food must have been a little overwhelming. But I also know that in those rushed moments, you can make a mistake. And mistakes are completely fine and human. But when you do not own up to those mistakes, or you argue with me and tell me that I am wrong, well lady, I have to be a prick about it. I am not capable of being a complete ass to anyone, but at that moment, if you had tested me even the slightest bit more, I would have gone crazy on you. Caroline plus limited sleep equals a person even I don't recognize.

MY BRAIN, MY HEART

In the words of Nickelback:

Are you waiting on a lightening strike
Are you waiting for the perfect night
Are you waiting 'til the time is right?
Are you waiting for the right excuse?
Are you waiting for a sign to choose?
While you're waiting it's the time you lose
Don't you wanna spread your wings and fly?
Don't you really wanna live your life?
Don't you wanna love before you die?
What are you waiting for?

Do not mope around because you decided to take your time. Do not mope because you thought you had more time than you did. You lost the opportunity not because it was taken from you, but because you didn't take it yourself. An opportunity is not a right; it's not meant to stick around and wait for you to be ready. An opportunity is a privilege and just as it is given to you, it can sure as heck be taken from you. Remember that for next time. Be prepared to seize the moment, because you never know what will happen tomorrow. "Why tomorrow, when there is today." 

"You're gone and I gotta stay high all the time to keep you off my mind"

Why compare ourselves?

Just like the next person, I have body image issues. In today's world, society has plastered the minds of young people like me about what we should look like, and what the ideal body image is. It has made the body a marketing scheme without thinking of the repercussions of it all. But what's even sadder is that, even after realizing the consequences body-shaming has, society (and media) continues to do it. It has became a norm for people to hate their body image and hide their flaws...

It's like human beings don't matter any more. Human beings are just another commodity in this money making world. What can I sell to them now? What can they buy into now? What can they sell to us? How can we make money off of these measly things? It's as if the ones running these things are aliens who are using us as puppets. We are guided in life by the puppeteer who points us in the next new fad, whether it be a diet or make-up. Why is it that we, as human beings, cannot accept the world as it is? Why must we have to change it all the time?

People who are thin think they are too thin.People who are fat think they are too fat. People who are medium-sized, think they are either too thin or two fat. So what exactly is the "right size" to be? What IS the ideal body type? Because from what I know, no ONE person has the same body shape or type. You may have similar body types, but they are not the same. So where did this notion for an "ideal" body image come from?

The answer, I think, is media. Media made it possible for people to compare each other and idealize people who were put in the spotlight. People see these "idols" as perfect because they assume that, because this person looks that particular way, she and/or he became famous. Because she has short blonde hair, blue eyes, nice boobs, and a nice arse, she became successful in life. The fact of the matter is, those who are in the spotlight are seen as highly successful people because they are "living the life." 

If there were no such thing as celebrities, do you think there would be such a high rate of low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence? I think there would be a much lower rate because people would not really have anything to compare too, other than the people they saw around them. But if it was not such a big thing to begin with, no one would be doing it. The media puts such pressure on the celebrities, and influences the minds of others, hence the concept of an ideal body image. If there was no media, you eliminate the influencer. You eliminate the problem.

Although more and more people are trying to break the idea of an "ideal body image", it's still hard to walk around with your head held high in pride. People still judge you no matter what. And I guess I can't expect things to change over night, because this world doesn't work that way. People don't work that way. We are programmed to put people down in order for us to feel happy and feel like we matter.

What we have to remember is, "Don't care what people think of you." Although this is extremely hard to do, you have to take it with a pinch of salt. People are cruel, we know that. People are judgemental, we know that too. We just have to keep our heads up and realize that for every one cruel person, there is at least one awesome person. That person doesn't see you for size or race or height, he/she sees you for you. For your personality. Your quirks. Your talents. Whether this person is your mother, your father, your friend, your teacher, your co-worker. You have to think of and store all the good things in life, and let go of the bad ones. 

Realize that everyone is different. No one is the same... actually, let me rephrase that. Everyone is the same on the inside, but different on the outside. We are all made of bones. We are all created by the same process. However, although we may have similar birth stories, and identical internal parts, our outsides are unique... Quirky... Different. You know how people say, "It's what's on the inside that counts"? Yeah well, that's wrong. It's what's outside that counts. Our appearance tells us apart from each other. Why would we want to / have to change it just so we can all look the same? So that we can all have the same "ideal body image'? Can you imagine a world like that? That's one BORING world, let me tell you. 

Over the past few weeks, I came across some posts that actually initiated this whole blog post. This issue has always been at the back of my mind because I struggle with it on a daily basis, but these articles made me take a step back and re-evaluate how I view myself and how I view the world. I realized that I need to change my outlook on this issue and realize that there's no way that I can fit this ideal image and THAT'S OKAY! 

Love yourself. Be who you are, not what other people what you to be. 

• 5 Things: Feeling Better In Your Skin
• Why You Need To Heal Your Damaged Body Image
• When Your Ideas of Yourself Is Lost In Someone Else

"They tell us from the time we're young to hide the things that we don't like about ourselves.

I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else.

Well I'm over it!"

Headaches & heart aches

Things that may seem so simple to other girls seems so impossible for me. I don't know how to approach situations like this. I don't know where to begin, where to take a leap of faith, or know when to let go. I don't understand these emotions which makes them even more overwhelming, frustrating, and stressful. It messes with my head and heart!

My head says "NO!" but my heart says "YES!"Which one is right? Which do I follow? The old saying says the heart, but that scares me. What if my heart leads me astray and I end up stranded, on my own. That scares me. To be alone and embarrassed. That's two things I don't ever want to experience together. However, it is really frustrating to know that my fear is what holds me back from certain opportunities. It angers me because I doubt myself and what I may be capable of because of the mindset I have, and because of assumptions I make of myself.

So what do I do? I end up thinking about it all the time. It takes up my free time some days, and I make myself have a lot of that. It messes up my head, and it plays with my heart. I just don't know where to go with this. Instead of acting on it, I over analyze it. I over think it all. Every little bit of it. I'll go over the situations multiple times with different end results just to see where things could have possibly gone. Do you understand how pathetic and how annoying that is? Let me tell you, it's very pathetic and annoying. Very.

And the most ridiculous thing is, the only reason this feeling exists is because (oh so I think) I haven't been given this "opportunity" in a while, and I guess it just hit me like a brick wall ( is that a saying?). I ran head first into this vast ocean, and now I don't know how to get out. I was so over joyed to have the chance to be in this situation that I got way too caught up in it, and now I am so in over my head, it's crazy. 

To top that off, university life isn't treating me fairly either ( or rather, I'm just not giving a care in the world)

"I never knew that everything was falling through.

I wish you were a stranger I could disengage"

Believe in yourself

It's funny how people tend to believe in you more than you believe in yourself.

I have this issue where I do not see my full potential and everyone else seems to. Sometimes I wish I could view myself from their eyes to see what I am missing. I know I can do that, but I just don't know how to. I need a lot more faith in myself in order to do that. I haven't really done anything in my life that shows me my potential, to show me that I can be more than what I have settled for. This is another reason why I always tend to aim low and am truly happy when I achieve something more. Because to me, that low point is what I believe I deserve with the work I put in, but achieving something more shows me that, if I actually work harder and put more effort into it, I can get it.

But here's the other not-an-excuse excuse, I am lazy, unmotivated, and just a big procrastinator. This prevents me from doing so much and also limits my faith in myself. I mean, I have faith that I will get things done, but when it comes to actually putting in the effort, I tend to turn away from that. Which leads to the idea that that is all I can do. I always say, "once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator" because old habits do die hard. But I don't actually believe that statement because I can change. I can do whatever the hell I want, but the question is do I want to?

I think I am afraid of something. I am afraid of putting in the effort, having faith in myself and still failing. Failing is one of my biggest fears. I guess it's one of many people's fears. But I am so afraid to lose that I tell myself that if I expect to fail, then it's okay. So if I set my bar low, I am lowering my chances of being disappointed in myself. It makes so much sense when I am actually doing it, but writing it down makes it seem like a cowardice move. IT IS a cowardice move.

Wow, I was meant to talk about other people believing in you more than yourself, but I went on a tangent. As usual. I guess, it's easier for other people to see your potential and to wish for you to achieve great things because they do not have this nagging voice in their head that is pointing out all your flaws, weaknesses and fears. They only see your abilities. What you (meaning me) should do is take a step out of your head and try and view yourself from their perspective. Give yourself a chance to prove itself. Give yourself a little more positive thoughts, be optimistic. And that can take you a long way. Baby steps. That's all you gotta take. Small steps in order to rise higher. And be better.

"I can feel something inside me say 

I really don't think you're strong enough"

Letting off some steam

There are very few people in my life that I turn to when I am in dire need of letting off some steam. There aren't very many instances where I feel like I really HAVE to do this, but when I do, I feel like I will go insane if I don't.

Everything will be going smoothly, until suddenly something happens and my mind goes haywire. It will be the tiniest of things that set it off too, which makes me even more livid afterwards! Suddenly, my mind is going through all the things I may have done to deserve it. I go through all the options and settle on one that I think is the most plausible. That thought then turns into my reality, and I start to believe it. And once I believe it, my blood boils because I start taking my anger out on the person/situation. I start creating conversations in my head and responses, which I believe to be real replies! And it's just a downward spiral from there. All this happens within 2 minutes after the trigger. 

I hate this because I make up a huge mountain out of a very tiny, minuscule molehill! It makes me feel and think things that I immediately regret! Especially when the situation takes a completely different turn than I imagined (which happens 99% of the bloody time)! 

How do I turn my mind off? How do I tell it to shut up? To leave me alone? But I'm pretty sure if it keeps making me feel like this, I'll have to be admitted to a mental asylum.

"And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl"

What do I do?

Anyone who is just starting to choose a career knows that it is a difficult decision to make. It is a life changing decision that takes a lot of time and effort to achieve. That's why when you decide to take one path, you want to make the right choice so that you don't find yourself wanting to change. And like anyone with a career knows, the decision you make may not end up being what you wanted, and therefore you do end up wanting to do something else. Usually, the path you choose will end up being boring to you, unless you really do love your job (good on you if you do!).

Now, I am part of the former - choosing my career. And like a lot people my age, I have absolutely no idea what direction my life is leading me to. Sometimes I wish to travel to the future to see where I end up. I lay in bed wondering what to do with my life. I go through the things I'm good at, and things I know for a fact I can cross off the list (for example, a doctor... I have the attention span of a goldfish, therefore to even go through the studies for this would melt my brain!) The sad thing is that my list of things I'm good at only go so far, therefore my list of careers also only go so far.

I have these dreams of travelling the world, and being a part of an organization that goes around and helps to get rid of poverty. But dreams need to be put into action. And it's that in between part, that motivation that I lack. This laziness limits me from reaching these dreams and also limits my options to choose a career I know I would love. I know I am not a "sit-in-a-cubicle-and-stare-at-a-computer-all-day" type of person. I need to be doing something to keep me moving and to keep me interested (even though I am lazy!).

So where do I get this burst of motivation? This energy that makes other people work hard to get what they want? I want some, and honestly, I need some. I know that I have to do it by myself, and no matter what anyone tells me or shows me, at the end of the day, it is up to me to get of my arse. I am hoping that I get bitten by the "get off your arse" bug sometime in this year so that I can do exactly that. I am so tired of being scared and of thinking I am not capable to reach my goals. If you put your mind to it, you can definitely reach your goal. All there is to it is working hard towards it and never giving up. 

"I know I'm quiet. And I know I should speak more. But if you knew the things that were in my head most of the time, you'd know what it really meant, how much we're alike, and how we've been through the same things. And you're not small, you are beautiful."

Rant #5 - No one has the right to judge.

It is none of anyone's business what I do or others do with their lives. You have no right to have an opinion on anyone else's life except your own. Unless it's your child or someone you are extremely close with, you don't need to pick on their "flaws" ( I quote that because everyone has flaws, therefore for one person to be picking on someone else's is pretty ironic in my opinion)

It drives me insane how people have shaped society. The norms (MAN-MADE norms) that are in place are ridiculous. The media doesn't help either. Their idea of beauty and health are so far off from reality. They create this false image for people to strive for and, the sad thing is, some people actually do because they feel like it is the only way for them to feel beautiful, confident and above all, happy.

I just hate that people buy into this feeling - myself included. It just makes us hope for something that isn't even real to begin with.

Now, if you are naturally thin or YOU YOURSELF want to be slim, good on you! That's great! But people who feel to have an opinion on someone else's body size and shape need to think before they talk. Unless you are a doctor and a person comes to you for advice, keep your words to yourself, please.

This world is not made of people who look the same. It's contains people of different sizes, shapes, heights, features, personalities, styles, interests and so on. No one has the right to judge others because that person doesn't fall under what you like or consider good. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT so get over it and move on with your life. Just imagine a world where we all look the same? I mean inagine if we were physically, mentally, socially (and whatever else) similar to one another? That would be one BORING world! And knowing mankind, it would still find flaws. But that's besides the point here.

You have no place in another person's life (unless you are the mother of course) to tell them anything about their body. If they are healthy and happy with who they are, they don't need to follow what society views. They are making their life work around what society believes and that's awesome! And if you feel the constant need to negatively comment on someone's body size, shape or flaws in general, take my advice, and stop talking to them. You are not helping their self-esteem or their happiness.

At the end of the day, we are all made of bones. We all have the same insides (physically speaking), just different outsides. Different shells. Unique shells. So accept the differences and live YOUR life.

Now I'm not ignorant. There are exceptions to this, for example, if the person is extremely unhealthy. But even at that point, you have to approach it in a good way, not a critical one. There are no need for harsh words. You are talking to a human being after all, not an object without feelings.

"If you can't lose the weight then you're just fat.

But if you lose too much then you're on crack.

You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't

So you might as well just do whatever you want"

On a rainy day, we must bake!

I decided to bake since it was such a dull day. Not only did I bake cookies, I also baked brownies, but unfortunately, I am a little illiterate and incomprehensible when reading new recipes. In other words, I messed up on the brownies.

But I thought of something fun to do while I baked - I would document them and upload a picture-recipe on here, just for fun :) I am also learning/testing out my Nikon camera, so this was a perfect opportunity!

So here goes my cookie recipe (which I got off of www.allrecipes.com)

You will need: 
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar

3/4 unsalted butter, room temperature

1 egg
1 egg yolk
1/2 tsp baking powder/soda
1 tbsp vanilla extract

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips 

Optional: Wax paper/parchment paper

 

Preheat oven to 350°F (175°C).

Mix the butter, white sugar and brown sugar together, until creamy. If you have a mixer, mix it for about 10 minutes or so.

*Note - DO NOT melt the butter. Better results when it's at room temperature/soft

Next, separate the egg yolk from one egg and add it into the mixture. Add the other egg in as well (not separated) and beat it 

Dissovle baking powder/soda in a little bit of hot water. Add it to the mix.

Also, add in the vanilla extract.

 Then, add the flour, one cup at a time. 

If you do both, your kitchen will look like you had a flour fight with yourself.

Finally, fold in the chocolate chips. Add as much or as little as you'd like. 

It's all up to your preference. 

 Then, either grease and flour your cookie trays or put wax paper on it to prevent the cookies from sticking. (I used wax paper)

Either use your clean hands, a scoop or just a spoon to make balls. Make them as big or as small (not too small of course) as you'd like. You could also make a giant one, just saying :) 

 15-20 minutes later, your cookies are all ready to be devoured! 

*CAUTION: Cookies may be hot!

I hope the cookies turn out as great as they did for me! Remember, have fun making them! 

"May our hearts be full like our drinks tonight
May we sing and dance 'til we lose our minds
We are only young if we seize the night
Tonight we own the night"

Fallember

November might just be my favourite month! The trees change colour completely and begin to let go of their leaves! It signifies a new start, in my opinion. Starting all over again from the bottom. It reminds me that everything is a cycle. It begins, grows, shares its moments, and eventually disappears into this vast world of ours. It reminds me to take a deep breath and not worry so much about the little things in life because they will pass and I will handle it accordingly. Nothing is given to you that you can't handle. Everything put into your life is there for a reason.

I just love the reds, yellows, oranges, and greens mixed together! So much beauty surrounds us on a daily basis and it shouldn't be hard for us to acknowledge it. It's put on this earth for us to enjoy and remember that our lives are only a teeny tiny part of the universe, so we should live it in the best way possible.

During this time, hot beverages become a staple drink, hats are pulled out, different scarves are worn, boots are pulled out, and sweaters become a regular. I somehow love wearing sweaters, scarves, and boots. I just feel so... FALL-IE! I absolutely love fall, because it's not hot but it's not extremely cold - as in, it's not in the MINUSES just yet. Although, it gets cold at this time, if you dress properly, you'll enjoy it! And I do (for the most part)!

"When I was walking in Memphis

I was walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale"

New music!

Hoodie Allen ft. Jhameel - No Faith In Brooklyn

Passenger - I Hate (Live)

The Cab - Angel With A Shotgun

Drake - The Language

Hedley - Anything

Britney Spears - Work B***h

Passenger - Let Her Go

"You've been acting awful tough lately. Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately. But inside, you're just a little baby"

Quick update

For those of you who don't know me, and who read this (are there any of you out there?), I am not an old lady who complains about things she has missed out in life or things she "realizes" she is doing that is making her miss life. I actually do love my life and the people in it.

First off, I do seem to "realize" things a lot in this blog, because all my posts seem to surround that theme. Now, I'm guessing that is the only way for me to express what I want to write and therefore my thoughts flow much better when I say that. OR my vocabulary and formation of sentences is very poor. Either way, I apologize.

Secondly, though I write about how sad my life is and the opportunities I let slip by, I do actually like living (as weird as that may sound). I am not a grumpy person, nor am I a sad one. I actually am a very happy person on a regular basis, with a few complaints (okay A LOT) here and there, but at the end of the day, I thank God that I made it through another day with people that I love and with the privileges I have. I am not some spoiled kid behind a computer, I actually understand and appreciate the things I do have in my life. I just don't happen to write those down - for some odd reason.

For those of you who care, I am not that bad of a person. I just happen to write about the bad feelings I have. For those who don't, well, I'm sorry for wasting your time.

"Why do we let the pressure get into our heads?"

Lingering thoughts

I've realized that people's first impression of me might not be so good because I'm one of those people that can not keep a conversation going, therefore it just seems awkward or dull talking to me. I don't do much in my life that is exciting or interesting to share with people. When I say "my life is boring", I'm being completely honest because I don't do anything with my life. I don't read books that are interesting to spark a conversation, I don't watch things that can be used as a topic, and I don't follow the news as much as I should. 

In a sense, I feel like I'm not that educated or well-rounded as I'd like to be. I know the solution to this problem, but there is a problem with the solution. I'm a big procrastinator. And I envision my life being something but I am never motivated enough to work hard to get that life. I see myself doing big things and it kills me inside to know that I will never reach it. People around me always tell me to work hard and jump at opportunities, but I can't. I hate saying it, but I really cannot. I choke. I choke to the point where I cry. I'm so scared of failure. I'm terrified. I'm so scared of getting put down. Part of it is because in my head, all I see is failure. I never ever see myself succeeding, and when I do, I'm more shocked than happy. Everyone else believes in me, but myself. And it sucks. I want to change my mind set. I want to be able to not doubt my abilities, and to achieve the life I have always dreamt of having. 

I want to be able to talk to a complete stranger and actually have an intellectual conversation with them. I want to be able to keep up the conversation, to share my opinions on things. But I always think that my opinions, my interests, are far from what people want to hear or talk about. Sometimes, I'm so scared of even letting a little bit of my opinion slip out of my mouth on certain things that I just agree with everyone around me.

I can see myself improving with sharing my opinions though. I'm not as afraid to share them as I was before. For example, if I'm having a conversation with my friends, I can actually articulate to them what I think without feeling stupid or unintelligent. But that's also because the friends I have don't actually shoot me down for sharing my point of view on something (love that about them)! 

______________

People come and go. I've been feeling like people are leaving my life more than their coming in. One by one, everyone is just walking away from me. They aren't doing it intentionally (I hope) but rather, they are moving on while I'm still stuck in the past. I think I'm gonna be the cat lady (well dog lady since I don't particularly like cats).

In all honesty though, I've come to terms with the people that are out of my life. They came into my life, made an imprint and left. That's what is supposed to happen. As long as the people that are really close to me don't leave me behind, I think I can survive this world. The only people I do need beside me are the ones that are willing to stick by me no matter what happens in my life or this world because at the end of the day, when the world is ending, they are the ones I want to spend my last moments with!

All we need to do is focus on the good times of those that left and create some more good ones with those that stayed :)

"We should take a walk someday, dream about what we could have been"

Goodbye to one more summer

Summer has officially ended. I can't say that it was an unforgettable one but I can say that I enjoyed it, for the most part. A while back (April), I had come up with a short list of things to do this summer... Let's see what I can cross of the list now that it's over

• Take a long drive by myself and/or with friends just for fun
• Read at least 5 books
• Take the tube downtown
• Attempt to have a social life rather than an internet life
• Camping/Cottaging
• Sleepovers
• Disney Movie Marathon
• Buy movies I have/still will watch over again
• Bungee jump! - my ultimate summer goal! 
• Create a picture collage on my wall

Haha, yeah... Let's not talk about this any longer.
This summer purely consisted of family and friends, which is every summer come to think of it. I spent a lot more time with my family - had countless BBQs! - and I managed to squeeze some time in for friends :) At times I was bored out of my mind and wished I had something to do, but then I would look back and realize that I was never bored for more than 2 consecutive days, which was a bonus and a half because that meant I actually had plans with friends or was going somewhere with my family.

The one thing I wish I had gotten during the summer (something I never really pushed for to begin with and hoped it would just fall into my lap, to which reality slapped me really hard for) was a job. In my delusional head, I expected it to just come to me, to just randomly appear out of thin air. But what actually came to me was reality punching me hard in the gut. I spent my entire summer complaining to my friends that I was broke, while they complained about their jobs. I felt kind of useless and like an outcast. Here I was, being unsuccessful with my life, while my friends all had jobs. It would actually depress me sometimes because I actually felt inadequate. I would sit there and wonder how they got so lucky and were earning some pocket money, while I was there, complaining my life away.

Other than the job thing, my summer consisted of BBQs, lunches/dinners with family and/or friends ( in July, I had been to a sushi restaurant on 5 different occasions), family get-togethers, theme parks, carnivals, beaches, drives, malls, shopping and just enjoying the days off! So, I guess I can say it was a successful summer. Maybe not successful from my April-Self (due to the list above), but from looking back now, I did a lot, so I'm pleased :)

 And we danced

And we cried

And we laughed

And had a really really good time

Rant #4 - Some things must be kept to yourself

(Somewhat ties in to the last post, but it's more specific!)

I commend people who are comfortable with who they are. I give people full praise for being comfortable in their body. They are one step ahead of a lot of people in this world. That is one accomplishment that they should be proud of because it definitely is an accomplishment in the world we live in today.

But there's one issue. Those people who feel the need to share their body on the internet. Now, if it's your job or something (pornstars?) then, well I guess that's a job your doing. My issue is with the people who turn to Facebook or Instagram and use it as a way to show off their body. Again, there are exceptions. If you are at the beach or poolside somewhere and you have a bikini on, that's fine because that's an environment where those kinds of clothes are made for. But when you are in your bedroom or bathroom and taking a picture of yourself in a bikini, or in a towel or half naked, that's just not right. I mean, yes, we understand you love your body and all, but is it really necessary to share your love for it with the rest of the world?

Even worse than bedroom-bikini-selfies are bathtub pictures. With the person(s) in it. Really? Did I really add you as a friend to see you bathing with yourself or someone else? NO! No I did not. I know there is an option for me to unfriend you, but that's not really the point. The point is Facebook and Instagram are not meant for these things. They are not meant for you to share the fact that you are showering with your boyfriend/girlfriend! For goodness sake, have some boundaries in your life. Know what to share and know what to keep to yourself! If you feel the need to share these things, post them on a porn site or something.

This just rattles me so much because, like people who post pictures of alcohol, it's UNNECESSARY! Be comfortable with who you are, but also have some respect for yourself and some boundaries as well. People really need to understand the concept of boundaries and privacy. Some things are just meant to stay with you and those involved. The whole world doesn't need to know about your business.

"When oblivion is calling out your name,

You always take it further than I ever can."

We want them to know. We want to know.

Have you ever noticed how people feel the need to always post pictures on their social media in order to document their whereabouts and let the world know what they are doing and where? Have you also noticed how that very same action is not only done for places you visit once in a while or in a lifetime but for things in our daily lives?

It has become a social norm to take pictures of places we go or things we do and post them up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and so on. We go somewhere, we admire it for a mere two minutes, and then find ourselves taking a "selfie" with the place behind us, or posing with a landmark of that place or something that will identify that area. Forget places, we have even managed to make it normal to take pictures of things we eat, pictures of our freshly painted nails, cars, clothes, animals, restaurant names... The list goes on...

We find ourselves more engrossed in documenting and sharing our lives with others to a point where we sometimes are blinded by the true purpose of things or are taken away from enjoying what we are doing. The impact of social media on ourselves is far greater than some of us can imagine. It has made us "sharing fanatics" because we cannot go a day without sharing our problems, our achievements, our whereabouts, our relationship statuses, our food choice, and our pets (to name a few) with the world. We want people to notice us. We want them to "like our pictures or statuses". We want them to know how we are feeling today. We want them to know. It's as simple as that. We want the world to know our business. We crave the attention. We want to show everyone that we are enjoying life, or we are having a bad day or we saw something interesting today or we are just plain bored with our lives.

But seeking this attention is done is the utmost subtle way. The absolute main feature of social networking sites is to interconnect with people through websites rather than face to face. It's a way of communicating and networking with loads of people from the comfort of your home. It's just easier access to get yourself known to the world. Therefore, sharing things online is not abnormal because that's what these websites are meant for. They are built on the basis of sharing information with others. But where is the boundary to that sharing? Sometimes I feel like people just put things up online just for the sake of doing it, not because it is something fascinating or rare. It makes us more attached to our devices. We become one with our devices rather than one with nature. We are taken away from our social surroundings and thrown into a online surrounding (if that makes sense?).

Don't get me wrong, sharing things online is a wonderful thing because you can show your family and friends who are in another part of the country or world the things your up to and show them all the cool things you do. But some people on the internet take things to a whole new level and I always just wonder what goes through their mind. Not only people on the internet, it's just everywhere I look, people are glued to some sort of device, whether it be a phone or an mp3 player (are those still in?), an iPad or laptop - people are always connected to the internet world.

Here's an example of how attached some of us are to sharing our boring lives with the world.

For about a month and a half, I felt like I was from a different time altogether because I had a phone that had the basic features; texting and calling. Now, if you've read my posts before, you'd know I'm a social networking freak because I have every account possible for sharing things irrelevant to other people's lives. Although my phone was a touch screen, it was one of those earlier models, where the phone was still a brick (compared to the slick phones now). The internet was atrocious, and I couldn't get any apps on it. Texting was a whole other story. I had to use T9 (predictive text). My brain was fried by the end of the first week of using it because I actually had to sit there and literally spell the word out loud in order for it to appear on the screen. ANYWAYS, the point of this story is, when I was using this archaic phone, I always found myself thinking "Ou! I should instagram this" or "Damn! I need to post this on Twitter!" or "I need Tumblr to keep me occupied in this awkward situation." And it was unbelievable. Every time I caught myself thinking these things, I would feel ashamed because I realized I had become SO attached to those things that it was just a norm for me due to the fact I had a phone that allowed me to access them. And the worst part is, I didn't even get to go cold turkey on it because I found another way to get that information: my laptop became my best friend for a good while. I had neglected it before, unless I needed it for work. Soon after I moved on to the iPad. It was like I needed my fix of knowing other people's business and sharing mine. I couldn't just ignore it and not visit it for a couple of days. It was crazy... It still is actually!

The moral of this endless story is that we need to take a step back from our interweb lives and just try to remain in the moment of the situation. We need to just relax and not always have this urge to share things with everyone. Enjoy the things around you. Though pictures speak a thousand words, enjoying the things that are in the picture are far more important than actually taking the picture. So just admire what's around you with your eyes and memory, not with a camera or a bunch of words on a status.

Phewwww! Didn't mean to make this an essay! And I apologize if I go round and round in circles but I think the point was made, if not in the first paragraph, definitely in the last!

"I don't know the monsters you knew but I'm trying to forget the ones I met too.
Baby you could help me, baby I could help you"

Turn that frown upside down!

SMALL JOYS - Things I see on a daily basis that make me smile and brighten my day just a little more

• Kids that make a tunnel in a heap of shovelled snow 
• Bus drivers who wave at each other
• Bus drivers who say 'Good Morning' to you and some variation of 'Have a nice day' 
• People who hold the doors for you
• Having a good conversation with a friend or family member
• Seeing a baby smile/laugh at you 
• When that one song that you haven't heard in a while or that you're in love with comes on the radio or starts playing on your iPod.
• Looking through old pictures
• Reading old letters
• Starbucks Tuesdays 
• Cute/Hot boys walking past you
• Cliche snow-fall (which means there is no wind, it seems like someone is just sprinkling the snow from above)
• Driving and reaching your destination safely
• Your mum cooks your favourite meal
• Going to a concert
• Finding new music
• Holding a cute baby in your hands
• Sleeping and not having to wake up at a particular time
• Having a small get together for no reason other than for the heck of it
• Sunsets and sunrises
• Nephews and nieces 
• Perfect summer days
• Beaches
• Taking pictures of random things
• Conquering a fear of yours
• Seeing someone from your past
• Peeing in the bushes (makes me laugh everytime!)
• Seeing stars in a city
• Seeing someone else accomplish something (small or big)
• Roadtrips/long drives

TO BE CONTINUED...