On a rainy day, we must bake!

I decided to bake since it was such a dull day. Not only did I bake cookies, I also baked brownies, but unfortunately, I am a little illiterate and incomprehensible when reading new recipes. In other words, I messed up on the brownies.

But I thought of something fun to do while I baked - I would document them and upload a picture-recipe on here, just for fun :) I am also learning/testing out my Nikon camera, so this was a perfect opportunity!

So here goes my cookie recipe (which I got off of www.allrecipes.com)

You will need: 
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar

3/4 unsalted butter, room temperature

1 egg
1 egg yolk
1/2 tsp baking powder/soda
1 tbsp vanilla extract

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips 

Optional: Wax paper/parchment paper

 

Preheat oven to 350°F (175°C).

Mix the butter, white sugar and brown sugar together, until creamy. If you have a mixer, mix it for about 10 minutes or so.

*Note - DO NOT melt the butter. Better results when it's at room temperature/soft

Next, separate the egg yolk from one egg and add it into the mixture. Add the other egg in as well (not separated) and beat it 

Dissovle baking powder/soda in a little bit of hot water. Add it to the mix.

Also, add in the vanilla extract.

 Then, add the flour, one cup at a time. 

If you do both, your kitchen will look like you had a flour fight with yourself.

Finally, fold in the chocolate chips. Add as much or as little as you'd like. 

It's all up to your preference. 

 Then, either grease and flour your cookie trays or put wax paper on it to prevent the cookies from sticking. (I used wax paper)

Either use your clean hands, a scoop or just a spoon to make balls. Make them as big or as small (not too small of course) as you'd like. You could also make a giant one, just saying :) 

 15-20 minutes later, your cookies are all ready to be devoured! 

*CAUTION: Cookies may be hot!

I hope the cookies turn out as great as they did for me! Remember, have fun making them! 

"May our hearts be full like our drinks tonight
May we sing and dance 'til we lose our minds
We are only young if we seize the night
Tonight we own the night"

Fallember

November might just be my favourite month! The trees change colour completely and begin to let go of their leaves! It signifies a new start, in my opinion. Starting all over again from the bottom. It reminds me that everything is a cycle. It begins, grows, shares its moments, and eventually disappears into this vast world of ours. It reminds me to take a deep breath and not worry so much about the little things in life because they will pass and I will handle it accordingly. Nothing is given to you that you can't handle. Everything put into your life is there for a reason.

I just love the reds, yellows, oranges, and greens mixed together! So much beauty surrounds us on a daily basis and it shouldn't be hard for us to acknowledge it. It's put on this earth for us to enjoy and remember that our lives are only a teeny tiny part of the universe, so we should live it in the best way possible.

During this time, hot beverages become a staple drink, hats are pulled out, different scarves are worn, boots are pulled out, and sweaters become a regular. I somehow love wearing sweaters, scarves, and boots. I just feel so... FALL-IE! I absolutely love fall, because it's not hot but it's not extremely cold - as in, it's not in the MINUSES just yet. Although, it gets cold at this time, if you dress properly, you'll enjoy it! And I do (for the most part)!

"When I was walking in Memphis

I was walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale"

New music!

Hoodie Allen ft. Jhameel - No Faith In Brooklyn

Passenger - I Hate (Live)

The Cab - Angel With A Shotgun

Drake - The Language

Hedley - Anything

Britney Spears - Work B***h

Passenger - Let Her Go

"You've been acting awful tough lately. Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately. But inside, you're just a little baby"

Quick update

For those of you who don't know me, and who read this (are there any of you out there?), I am not an old lady who complains about things she has missed out in life or things she "realizes" she is doing that is making her miss life. I actually do love my life and the people in it.

First off, I do seem to "realize" things a lot in this blog, because all my posts seem to surround that theme. Now, I'm guessing that is the only way for me to express what I want to write and therefore my thoughts flow much better when I say that. OR my vocabulary and formation of sentences is very poor. Either way, I apologize.

Secondly, though I write about how sad my life is and the opportunities I let slip by, I do actually like living (as weird as that may sound). I am not a grumpy person, nor am I a sad one. I actually am a very happy person on a regular basis, with a few complaints (okay A LOT) here and there, but at the end of the day, I thank God that I made it through another day with people that I love and with the privileges I have. I am not some spoiled kid behind a computer, I actually understand and appreciate the things I do have in my life. I just don't happen to write those down - for some odd reason.

For those of you who care, I am not that bad of a person. I just happen to write about the bad feelings I have. For those who don't, well, I'm sorry for wasting your time.

"Why do we let the pressure get into our heads?"

Lingering thoughts

I've realized that people's first impression of me might not be so good because I'm one of those people that can not keep a conversation going, therefore it just seems awkward or dull talking to me. I don't do much in my life that is exciting or interesting to share with people. When I say "my life is boring", I'm being completely honest because I don't do anything with my life. I don't read books that are interesting to spark a conversation, I don't watch things that can be used as a topic, and I don't follow the news as much as I should. 

In a sense, I feel like I'm not that educated or well-rounded as I'd like to be. I know the solution to this problem, but there is a problem with the solution. I'm a big procrastinator. And I envision my life being something but I am never motivated enough to work hard to get that life. I see myself doing big things and it kills me inside to know that I will never reach it. People around me always tell me to work hard and jump at opportunities, but I can't. I hate saying it, but I really cannot. I choke. I choke to the point where I cry. I'm so scared of failure. I'm terrified. I'm so scared of getting put down. Part of it is because in my head, all I see is failure. I never ever see myself succeeding, and when I do, I'm more shocked than happy. Everyone else believes in me, but myself. And it sucks. I want to change my mind set. I want to be able to not doubt my abilities, and to achieve the life I have always dreamt of having. 

I want to be able to talk to a complete stranger and actually have an intellectual conversation with them. I want to be able to keep up the conversation, to share my opinions on things. But I always think that my opinions, my interests, are far from what people want to hear or talk about. Sometimes, I'm so scared of even letting a little bit of my opinion slip out of my mouth on certain things that I just agree with everyone around me.

I can see myself improving with sharing my opinions though. I'm not as afraid to share them as I was before. For example, if I'm having a conversation with my friends, I can actually articulate to them what I think without feeling stupid or unintelligent. But that's also because the friends I have don't actually shoot me down for sharing my point of view on something (love that about them)! 

______________

People come and go. I've been feeling like people are leaving my life more than their coming in. One by one, everyone is just walking away from me. They aren't doing it intentionally (I hope) but rather, they are moving on while I'm still stuck in the past. I think I'm gonna be the cat lady (well dog lady since I don't particularly like cats).

In all honesty though, I've come to terms with the people that are out of my life. They came into my life, made an imprint and left. That's what is supposed to happen. As long as the people that are really close to me don't leave me behind, I think I can survive this world. The only people I do need beside me are the ones that are willing to stick by me no matter what happens in my life or this world because at the end of the day, when the world is ending, they are the ones I want to spend my last moments with!

All we need to do is focus on the good times of those that left and create some more good ones with those that stayed :)

"We should take a walk someday, dream about what we could have been"

Goodbye to one more summer

Summer has officially ended. I can't say that it was an unforgettable one but I can say that I enjoyed it, for the most part. A while back (April), I had come up with a short list of things to do this summer... Let's see what I can cross of the list now that it's over

• Take a long drive by myself and/or with friends just for fun
• Read at least 5 books
• Take the tube downtown
• Attempt to have a social life rather than an internet life
• Camping/Cottaging
• Sleepovers
• Disney Movie Marathon
• Buy movies I have/still will watch over again
• Bungee jump! - my ultimate summer goal! 
• Create a picture collage on my wall

Haha, yeah... Let's not talk about this any longer.
This summer purely consisted of family and friends, which is every summer come to think of it. I spent a lot more time with my family - had countless BBQs! - and I managed to squeeze some time in for friends :) At times I was bored out of my mind and wished I had something to do, but then I would look back and realize that I was never bored for more than 2 consecutive days, which was a bonus and a half because that meant I actually had plans with friends or was going somewhere with my family.

The one thing I wish I had gotten during the summer (something I never really pushed for to begin with and hoped it would just fall into my lap, to which reality slapped me really hard for) was a job. In my delusional head, I expected it to just come to me, to just randomly appear out of thin air. But what actually came to me was reality punching me hard in the gut. I spent my entire summer complaining to my friends that I was broke, while they complained about their jobs. I felt kind of useless and like an outcast. Here I was, being unsuccessful with my life, while my friends all had jobs. It would actually depress me sometimes because I actually felt inadequate. I would sit there and wonder how they got so lucky and were earning some pocket money, while I was there, complaining my life away.

Other than the job thing, my summer consisted of BBQs, lunches/dinners with family and/or friends ( in July, I had been to a sushi restaurant on 5 different occasions), family get-togethers, theme parks, carnivals, beaches, drives, malls, shopping and just enjoying the days off! So, I guess I can say it was a successful summer. Maybe not successful from my April-Self (due to the list above), but from looking back now, I did a lot, so I'm pleased :)

 And we danced

And we cried

And we laughed

And had a really really good time

Rant #4 - Some things must be kept to yourself

(Somewhat ties in to the last post, but it's more specific!)

I commend people who are comfortable with who they are. I give people full praise for being comfortable in their body. They are one step ahead of a lot of people in this world. That is one accomplishment that they should be proud of because it definitely is an accomplishment in the world we live in today.

But there's one issue. Those people who feel the need to share their body on the internet. Now, if it's your job or something (pornstars?) then, well I guess that's a job your doing. My issue is with the people who turn to Facebook or Instagram and use it as a way to show off their body. Again, there are exceptions. If you are at the beach or poolside somewhere and you have a bikini on, that's fine because that's an environment where those kinds of clothes are made for. But when you are in your bedroom or bathroom and taking a picture of yourself in a bikini, or in a towel or half naked, that's just not right. I mean, yes, we understand you love your body and all, but is it really necessary to share your love for it with the rest of the world?

Even worse than bedroom-bikini-selfies are bathtub pictures. With the person(s) in it. Really? Did I really add you as a friend to see you bathing with yourself or someone else? NO! No I did not. I know there is an option for me to unfriend you, but that's not really the point. The point is Facebook and Instagram are not meant for these things. They are not meant for you to share the fact that you are showering with your boyfriend/girlfriend! For goodness sake, have some boundaries in your life. Know what to share and know what to keep to yourself! If you feel the need to share these things, post them on a porn site or something.

This just rattles me so much because, like people who post pictures of alcohol, it's UNNECESSARY! Be comfortable with who you are, but also have some respect for yourself and some boundaries as well. People really need to understand the concept of boundaries and privacy. Some things are just meant to stay with you and those involved. The whole world doesn't need to know about your business.

"When oblivion is calling out your name,

You always take it further than I ever can."

We want them to know. We want to know.

Have you ever noticed how people feel the need to always post pictures on their social media in order to document their whereabouts and let the world know what they are doing and where? Have you also noticed how that very same action is not only done for places you visit once in a while or in a lifetime but for things in our daily lives?

It has become a social norm to take pictures of places we go or things we do and post them up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and so on. We go somewhere, we admire it for a mere two minutes, and then find ourselves taking a "selfie" with the place behind us, or posing with a landmark of that place or something that will identify that area. Forget places, we have even managed to make it normal to take pictures of things we eat, pictures of our freshly painted nails, cars, clothes, animals, restaurant names... The list goes on...

We find ourselves more engrossed in documenting and sharing our lives with others to a point where we sometimes are blinded by the true purpose of things or are taken away from enjoying what we are doing. The impact of social media on ourselves is far greater than some of us can imagine. It has made us "sharing fanatics" because we cannot go a day without sharing our problems, our achievements, our whereabouts, our relationship statuses, our food choice, and our pets (to name a few) with the world. We want people to notice us. We want them to "like our pictures or statuses". We want them to know how we are feeling today. We want them to know. It's as simple as that. We want the world to know our business. We crave the attention. We want to show everyone that we are enjoying life, or we are having a bad day or we saw something interesting today or we are just plain bored with our lives.

But seeking this attention is done is the utmost subtle way. The absolute main feature of social networking sites is to interconnect with people through websites rather than face to face. It's a way of communicating and networking with loads of people from the comfort of your home. It's just easier access to get yourself known to the world. Therefore, sharing things online is not abnormal because that's what these websites are meant for. They are built on the basis of sharing information with others. But where is the boundary to that sharing? Sometimes I feel like people just put things up online just for the sake of doing it, not because it is something fascinating or rare. It makes us more attached to our devices. We become one with our devices rather than one with nature. We are taken away from our social surroundings and thrown into a online surrounding (if that makes sense?).

Don't get me wrong, sharing things online is a wonderful thing because you can show your family and friends who are in another part of the country or world the things your up to and show them all the cool things you do. But some people on the internet take things to a whole new level and I always just wonder what goes through their mind. Not only people on the internet, it's just everywhere I look, people are glued to some sort of device, whether it be a phone or an mp3 player (are those still in?), an iPad or laptop - people are always connected to the internet world.

Here's an example of how attached some of us are to sharing our boring lives with the world.

For about a month and a half, I felt like I was from a different time altogether because I had a phone that had the basic features; texting and calling. Now, if you've read my posts before, you'd know I'm a social networking freak because I have every account possible for sharing things irrelevant to other people's lives. Although my phone was a touch screen, it was one of those earlier models, where the phone was still a brick (compared to the slick phones now). The internet was atrocious, and I couldn't get any apps on it. Texting was a whole other story. I had to use T9 (predictive text). My brain was fried by the end of the first week of using it because I actually had to sit there and literally spell the word out loud in order for it to appear on the screen. ANYWAYS, the point of this story is, when I was using this archaic phone, I always found myself thinking "Ou! I should instagram this" or "Damn! I need to post this on Twitter!" or "I need Tumblr to keep me occupied in this awkward situation." And it was unbelievable. Every time I caught myself thinking these things, I would feel ashamed because I realized I had become SO attached to those things that it was just a norm for me due to the fact I had a phone that allowed me to access them. And the worst part is, I didn't even get to go cold turkey on it because I found another way to get that information: my laptop became my best friend for a good while. I had neglected it before, unless I needed it for work. Soon after I moved on to the iPad. It was like I needed my fix of knowing other people's business and sharing mine. I couldn't just ignore it and not visit it for a couple of days. It was crazy... It still is actually!

The moral of this endless story is that we need to take a step back from our interweb lives and just try to remain in the moment of the situation. We need to just relax and not always have this urge to share things with everyone. Enjoy the things around you. Though pictures speak a thousand words, enjoying the things that are in the picture are far more important than actually taking the picture. So just admire what's around you with your eyes and memory, not with a camera or a bunch of words on a status.

Phewwww! Didn't mean to make this an essay! And I apologize if I go round and round in circles but I think the point was made, if not in the first paragraph, definitely in the last!

"I don't know the monsters you knew but I'm trying to forget the ones I met too.
Baby you could help me, baby I could help you"

Turn that frown upside down!

SMALL JOYS - Things I see on a daily basis that make me smile and brighten my day just a little more

• Kids that make a tunnel in a heap of shovelled snow 
• Bus drivers who wave at each other
• Bus drivers who say 'Good Morning' to you and some variation of 'Have a nice day' 
• People who hold the doors for you
• Having a good conversation with a friend or family member
• Seeing a baby smile/laugh at you 
• When that one song that you haven't heard in a while or that you're in love with comes on the radio or starts playing on your iPod.
• Looking through old pictures
• Reading old letters
• Starbucks Tuesdays 
• Cute/Hot boys walking past you
• Cliche snow-fall (which means there is no wind, it seems like someone is just sprinkling the snow from above)
• Driving and reaching your destination safely
• Your mum cooks your favourite meal
• Going to a concert
• Finding new music
• Holding a cute baby in your hands
• Sleeping and not having to wake up at a particular time
• Having a small get together for no reason other than for the heck of it
• Sunsets and sunrises
• Nephews and nieces 
• Perfect summer days
• Beaches
• Taking pictures of random things
• Conquering a fear of yours
• Seeing someone from your past
• Peeing in the bushes (makes me laugh everytime!)
• Seeing stars in a city
• Seeing someone else accomplish something (small or big)
• Roadtrips/long drives

TO BE CONTINUED...

SURPRISE!

There is something shocking yet familiar about drifting away from people. It's shocking because you have such good memories with these people and then one day everything changes. It's familiar because somewhere deep down inside you knew that at some point, it would have happened eventually. And you know that things are going to be okay, but you still feel sad because you miss those memories, you missed those good times with them.

Life is full of surprises like these. One minute everyone is laughing, and the next, you're alone, wondering what ever happened to everyone and everything that was such a big part of your life. The abruptness of drifting is what catches you by surprise. It's so sudden and so unexpected (sometimes) that you don't know what to do. You are just forced to go with the flow and see where this burst of change is going to take you. You are stuck wondering what happened.

It eventually hits you that it's just life. People drift away. People lose touch for a while or forever because everyone is moving at a different pace and maybe you're on a faster pace or maybe you're on a slower pace. Nonetheless, it's not the same pace as the other person. And you realize that that's okay because you see that nothing is certain in life (nothing ever is). You just have to live it day to day and hold on to those memories and keep living. At the end of the day, life and time waits for no one. 

Maybe in the future, it will come back to the familiar place. Maybe in the same way it ended it will begin again. Maybe those memories and those good times and good laughs can be recreated and added to in the future. Maybe at some point all of you will be on the same track and things could go back to it was; where everything was familiar and you knew what the next day was going to be with this person.

"So I put my faith in something unknown. I'm living on such sweet nothing

But I'm tired of hope with nothing to hold. I'm living on such sweet nothing"

30 Things Women Need To Stop Doing

This is something that every girl (who doesn't already) needs to understand and grasp as reality rather than living their lives always trying to be something they are not. This is for the girls who change themselves to fit society's views of "beautiful" girls/women. This is for the girls who cannot look at themselves and see beauty. This is for the girls who think that their life is going no where because of their appearance. This is for the girls who cannot accept who they are because they are afraid of society's opinions. 

Girls (and women) need to take into account that things are no where close to being like the movies and magazines. The world is a whole other place and has different kinds of people in it. The movies and magazines only illustrate a fraction of the world we live in, not the majority. So accept yourself for who you are and others will learn to accept you too. Because once you have accepted it, no one can hurt you, no one can bring you down and no one can make you feel like you don't belong. 

___________

I thought that this would be a good read... 

ORIGINAL POST

1. Calling each other “bitch,” “hoe,” “slut,” or anything else of that nature in a negative way. Don’t slut/bitch shame.

2. Concerning ourselves with how much or how little sex we are having and judging others based on how often and with whom they are doing it with.

3. Believing that there is nothing worse than being fat.

4. Obsessing about weight to the point of developing unhealthy habits and even disorders.

5. Comparing our lives to those of other women (and men, actually).

6. Being most concerned about how we look and what we’re wearing.

7. Classifying positions of power with “and she’s a woman!” There should be no “woman” leaders– just leaders.

8. Being afraid of higher numbers: age, weight, dress size. It’s like we’re all supposed to do everything possible to avoid admitting if we have numbers outside of the proverbial bracket of being “okay:” lie about our age, starve ourselves, etc.

9. Being angry and feeling oppressed and lessened by society’s imposed beauty standards but abiding by them anyway.

10. Taking a backseat in the whole “having a choice” thing and trusting that legislators will take care of it for us… or simply not caring at all about women’s issues.

11. Shying away from calling ourselves feminists when our beliefs would indicate such just because we don’t want the “label.”

12. Shaming and/or blaming other women for anything, but namely, sexual assault.

13. Being ashamed of or feeling the need to pretend that natural bodily functions like menstrual cycles or pubic hair don’t exist.

14. Saying that someone isn’t married in the context of oh, it’s a tragedy, but she was able to have a decent life anyway!

15. Feeling like you must have children eventually.

16. Thinking we are any less able and deserving of equal pay, time at the bar, active sex lives and legislative equality and representation.

17. Faking it.

18. Skinny shaming.

19. Fat shaming.

20. Deciding what a “real woman” is and what is not.

21. Concerning oneself with aging and the products designed to combat a natural process that you should be proud of: proud that you made it so far, and proud that you have wisdom lines on your face.

22. Obsessing over ending up alone.

23. Being okay with “chick lit” being regarded as a joke and something lesser because it’s lighter, more feminine, less serious and overall for women, so obviously, not as significant.

24. Using the terms “pussy” or “woman” as insults against men.

25. Complaining about relationships and friendships to the point of downright talking dirty behind people’s backs but never doing anything about it otherwise to mend or dissolve the relationship.

26. Calling each other crazy.

27. Being friends with people we don’t like because we don’t want to “start drama” and we’re inclined to “keep the peace.”

28. Wearing anything that makes us uncomfortable, just because we feel like we need to do so to be attractive.

29. Playing dumb or otherwise lessening oneself for the sake of being more attractive to a prospective other.

30. Accepting blame where we are not to be blamed. 

Summer and other stuff

SUMMER

A perfect summer's day would be sunny with some clouds and a cool breeze. I want some clouds so that the sun can hide for a couple seconds or minutes, allowing the breeze to cool me down and allow me to enjoy the weather rather than just feeling like I'm melting! I don't like the heat, but I love summer because of the atmosphere. Everyone seems happier, out of hibernation, and just summery (never use the word itself to describe it!)

I love the fact that I can go to the beach and swim for hours, and that I can sit outside at night without a winter jacket. I love that we can drive with the windows down and our hands out just flowing with the wind! I love just having to slip on flats or slippers instead of wearing socks and boots all the time! I love painting my toe nails and actually being able to show off the colour I painted! I love BBQs!

PEDICURE

I went for my first professional pedicure. It was heavenly. I was always ashamed of some stranger touching my feet and judging them because, well I don't have perfect feet. (Who does though?) And the idea of touching feet that are not yours is, well YUCK! I applaud the spa people who do this for a living. When the lady was cleaning my feet, all I kept thinking was "This is her job. Imagine you having to clean people's feet." I just cannot. I don't have a phobia of touching people's feet, I just would rather not CLEAN and scrub someone else's feet.

OH! But I forgot the best part! They had massaging chairs! They were amazing! For the price we paid, we got our feet cleaned, scrubbed, massaged and painted, AND we got a full back, neck and head massage! Worth my money any day! ;)

CRUSHING BUGS

I don't mind killing spiders. Actually, it has become an instinct of mine to kill any creepy crawlies I see, which is sometimes inhumane of me, but I can't help it. They freak me out! Imagine this: a spider/ant/centipede climbing up your leg, their legs touching your bear skin, crawling and crawling! Typing that gives me shivers! Anyways, as I was saying, I don't mind killing bugs, under one condition; I should not be able to hear any sort of "CRUNCH" OR "CRUSHHHH" when the bug is in the process of dying. I literally get chills up my spine when I hear the poor (creepy) thing die! I just feel horrible for taking away this life that meant no harm to me but is dying anyways!

RANDOM THOUGHT

Have you ever crushed on someone years ago and still remember what it felt like back then when you meet them again? It's not that you still have a crush on them, it's just that you get flashbacks of those days when you crushed on them. And the weird thing is, this only happens to two people that I've "crushed" on (I say crushed because I was REALLY young when I liked them). Am I the only one this happens to?

"One love, two mouths. One love, one house. No shirt, no blouse. Just us."

On repeat

Lana Del Rey - Summertime Sadness

Bastille - What would you do? (City High Cover)

Calvin Harris ft. Ellie Goulding - I need your love

Miley Cyrus - We can't stop

Chef' Special - Birds

The Neighbourhood - Summer Weather

Robin Thicke ft. Pharrell & T.I. - Blurred Lines

Calvin Harris ft. Tinie Tempah - Drinking from the bottle

We the Kings - Just Keep Breathing

Armin van Buuren ft. Trevor Guthrie - This is what it feels like

"With you I just can't hide. You always seem to get right back inside"

Pessimism

Oh goodness, gracious me. I am such a pessimist. I cannot believe it... Or can I? I always had this image in my head that I was really optimistic about life, but come to think of it, that was just a fantasy. It was something I kept telling myself over and over again until it became a reality for me.

I complain a lot. A lot, a lot. If I ever met myself, I think I would stir clear of me so that I don't have to endure my complaining! How did I become like this? I can remember the days where I always had a smile on my face or just didn't care what the world thought and just did what I felt was right and what put a smile on my face. I never doubted things, I was open to new things, to meeting new people. Now? Now, I'd rather stay at home and watch TV or YouTube and complain that my life isn't going anywhere because "I'm so lazy" or any other excuse I can muster up. (I apologize for saying this very same line in basically all my posts up until now).

Again, oh goodness, gracious me. I need to turn my frown upside down now and immediately take a crash course on how to go from a pessimist to an optimist (any ideas on how to?). Optimistic people have such a great outlook on life and look at everything from the standpoint of what was good about a situation/event. They dwell on the good, not the bad. They know that life goes on and that things happen, and they accept it and just GO WITH THE FLOW.

It's time to just relax and just embrace life as it comes. But that does not mean that I just sit back and have everyone serve me everything I want in life on a platter. I just want to have a positive outlook on the life I have and live and stop wanting things that are either out of my reach or my control. Things happen when they happen. They NEVER happen when you really WANT it, but they happen when you NEED it or when the time is just about right.

"I wish I was from a broken home to explain the fact that I'm cold and alone. But my family is golden, so it's probably just my own fault."

"Because if you were the problem, chances were you could also be the solution."

Funks. Ever heard of those? It is one of those moods in which everything around you depresses you, makes you angry, or just plainly puts you in a not-so-happy mood. Funks also causes you to not want to interact with people, which kind of puts a dent in your social life overall.

Time and time again, I have complained (in my head and once or twice in this blog) that I am a hermit. That I really need to step out of my comfort zone in order to really experience things around me. Unfortunately, I am in these "funk" moods every other day... And I don't even know why! I get offers to go places, do things, but I conveniently find other things to do or just opt out because "I don't feel like going"! You know that saying, "old habits die hard", yeah well whoever came up with that was a genius! It's extremely difficult to change a mentality that you are so comfortable with, so fond of.

And this difficulty has been frustrating me so much. I plan my days, I tell myself every night that when I wake up I am gonna go do something today. But when the sun rises, when I rise, it's like those plans, that motivation just vanishes. It's like the motivation only appears when I am about to close my eyes. (My mind works wonders at night, but during the day it's the laziest thing ever!) I think that this bums me out even more because I make these little goals for myself and when I know that I have failed to reach them or do anything about them, it just makes me feel like a failure.

I don't know what to do. And I'm getting sick of living like this. It's really depressing. I wake up, plaster a smile on my face and make it seem like I'm the happiest kid alive. But I'm at war with myself, everyday. Every night.

I'm not an unhappy person, actually I'm far from it. I just have these "inner conflicts" (I guess that's what they are called) that puts me in a funk and then kind of ruins my day or week for me. I don't want to change my life or the people in it, I just want to be a better person, a person who experiences things and doesn't say no to things just because I have never done it before. Honestly, I just want to expand my horizons, have stories to tell some day in the future.

I don't know, is that asking for too much? Am I being a little childish in thinking that by experiencing things I will get out of my funks? Is that just a fantasy world?

"Get up off my feet and stop making tired excuses"

Stuck in the past

Everyone else seems to be starting their lives, moving on, and getting out into the world. Everyone seems to be experiencing the world and exploring things and ultimately enjoying themselves. Everyone`s lives are coming together, are falling into place, are forming into something. And then there`s me.

I can`t say that I have anyone else to blame other than myself. I see all my friends having jobs, going places, doing things that I`ve only dreamt about doing, and just putting themselves out there. Meanwhile, I`m stuck in the same old routine and I`m scared to step out of it. I`m terrified of being rejected, of not getting to the place I want to go, of anything remotely outside my comfort zone; outside of the familiar walls around me. I have this burning desire to experience and explore the world, but I also have this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that eats away at every ounce of courage and confidence I have to achieve my desires. I know that the only way for me to do the things I love is to get over my fear and just do things, just experience them any way, no matter what the end result may be. To me, this is easier said than done. I just can`t push myself out of this fear, out of this mindset I have grown so accustomed to.

I want to start living my life. I do not want to be the person that is left behind while my friends and family move on. I do not want to be the one who everyone looks back at and waves because I`d be stuck in the past, and unwilling to move forward. I want to move with them. I want to do the things I love. I want to experience new things. I do not want to have such a limited comfort zone.

 

``I don't know where to start, I'm just a little lost

I wanna feel like we never gonna ever stop``

Chain mails to Social Media & Friends Again

Enjoy this extra long, all-over-the-place post!

Remember those days where emailing was a big thing? Where texting was unheard of? When MSN was the way to "text"? Yeah... the good old days where you were not glued to a piece of technology unless you were in your house.

Do you also remember those "Share or you'll be cursed/ you'll die in 10 years/ you don't really love them" emails? The chain mails that we all hated yet we sent them around anyways JUST IN CASE something were to happen (We all know you did it, so stop denying it). We were so terrified that if we did not send the emails that scary looking face that was at the end of the email would haunt us (just like it said on the email) in the dark or in our dreams. Come to think of it, I think I lived in silent fear of those things, though a part of me told me I was stupid in believing in them in the first place.

Well those chain mails have not left us. They have actually gotten worse. They are now possibly everywhere and more subtle. They don't terrorize you as much, or tell you that you will die. They actually play on your sympathy/pity emotions and your beliefs/faith. "Share or you're not a true believer of Jesus".
Then there are some that state "Share if you agree/disagree". Those are the worst because they are so easy to send around. They are probably the most common ones today because people feel the need to share what they think is true and think that everyone should see what they think about their opinion (like I'm about to do...) It's not a bad thing. Some of these things are actually a good read and makes you think or just reflect on life. But there are some out there that are questionable (like most things in life).

Anyways, chain mails have now moved from emails to social media spreading/sharing. So on your Facebook  Timeline or Tumblr Dashboard or Twitter Feed, you will see people post things like quotes, pictures (not of their own) and other stuff that gets your attention and then at the end of the piece, BAM! you're hit with the "Share..." And it sometimes gets to me because, like the little quote/passage I have above, I like the content of it and would like to save it on my computer or join in on the Sharing-it-on-my-wall but the "Share if you agree" part just throws me off. I literally sit there and wonder how I could crop the picture without making it look like I did so.
________

This is not why I put this little picture up. I actually wanted to say a few words about it and kind of got carried away... Oops? What follows next is what I actually wanted to say...

I have a few friends like the ones described above. The ones that I can go days and months without speaking, but when we do catch up, it's like we never had that huge break between us. It's never awkward, it's never silent. We can spend the entire night just talking. It's a great feeling actually. You can feel the connection, the bond between the two of you and you know that no matter what, this person will always be in your life, whether you speak every day or five times a year. That friendship is strong and not even distance can break it.

I have to say though, sometimes I feel like the friendship is weak. And that we are drifting apart. Drifting apart from people I'm close to in something that hurts me as well as scares me a lot! I just feel left out and unwanted, and my brain makes a run for it and goes into the deep end of things where everything is dark and cold. It leaves me in an unhappy place. I realize that this isn't a good thing - to be questioning the friendship - but usually, it's a figment of my imagination. It only hits me that I have created this feeling inside me when we hang out because I realize that it isn't like I pictured at all. The friendship is still there. If you can talk to someone for hours and be around them in silence and not feel uncomfortable, that friendship is gold (or so I think).

How did I go from emails to friendships? Weird...

"That gun is loaded but it's not in my hands"

Music to my ears

Music that I have recently discovered on YouTube :) Their voices make my heart beat fast and melt even faster! 

Frero Delavega - Pumped Up Kicks (Cover)

Alex Goot, Kurt Schneider & Chrstina Costanza - Beauty and the Beat (Cover)

Max Schneider & Kurt Schneider - Give Me Love (Cover)

Alex Goot & Chad Sugg - Save Tonight (Cover)

Boyce Avenue - One That Got Away (Cover)

Bastille - Flaws (Acoustic)

"'Cause baby you're a firework!"

Fight the break of dawn

For the past two months, I have walked around saying "I hate the educational system". It has caused me to be nonchalant about things that, in the past, would have affected me greatly. It has justified my actions (or lack thereof).

But I realized that I don't hate it, I just find it really difficult to adjust to. It did not meet up with my expectations, although I know nothing ever does. The problem is, at the beginning, it was such a new experience for me, a different environment, a different attitude. I could do what I want, when I wanted. It felt great. I felt free.

Then the walls began to close in. Closer and closer they got. And soon enough, I was stuck. And all the stress, and frustration that was gradually building up and without my knowledge it was drowning me. It was all falling down faster than I expected, faster than I thought it would. I thought I would have a lot more time to get myself out of it, to run, to swim, to just be free. I was not so lucky though. No, luck had nothing to do with it. I was just not smart enough to realize what was happening.

Once I felt the walls cave in, and everything slip away from me, I shut down. I became this person who cared very little about what happened in that world. I cared little about the causes of the stress and frustration. I would find justifications and excuses for what was happening. I basically gave up.

And it felt so good. It felt amazing. Things did not affect me as much. I did whatever I wanted with the least amount of stress. I just did not care. My priorities were twisted into a ball of mess. Internet/TV/Friends over education. I would find something or the other to do that would keep me occupied and away from the heaps of assignments I had. I kept myself distracted for hours on end, occasionally thinking about the work I had, and then brushing it off. This way of life gave me such a nonchalant look at life; made life just seem so easy.

Something else that fuelled my "I give up" attitude was YouTube. I started watching videos sometime last year and basically began following the lives of these 18 to 25 year old youtubers. I would not say that I am completely obsessed with them, I just like to watch their videos and see their pictures - they are a bunch of good looking peeps! Anyways, the point is that I started to sort of envy them because I was comparing the life they had to the life I was living. I was not comparing every single detail of it, just the parts where they seem to be doing things and having loads of fun whilst I was just here, being a hermit. I should add that I am afraid of doing new things and meeting new people (for reasons that will not be disclosed here) which is rather unfortunate because I am a person who would really love to meet new people and do things without being afraid! I kept watching their videos and wondering how come they seem to be having the life that I have wanted to have for so long.

Then I woke up. I was no longer sinking to the bottom. No longer looking at the depths of my life falling apart. I was no longer watching the walls come down on me. What I was doing, what I am doing is not good. It's far from healthy and it's far from reality. I needed to realize that comparing my life to others was so pointless and stupid of me. I had to open my eyes and see that I do have loads of fun, but in different ways. I do have chances to laugh, cry, watch movies, share things with other people. I have people in my life that make me happy and that's all I need. As for the education part, I had a small wake-up call because I realized that I was limiting myself. I have such high hopes and dreams for my life that what I am doing now and was doing in the past will bite me in my derriere. I have the potential to succeed in the educational system and, most importantly, I have the opportunity. So I might as well do my best with what I got and maybe, in the future, the things I would like to do and try will happen.

I just need to learn to go with the flow. I need to learn that giving up, though it makes you feel light as a feather, also limits you later on in life. It actually limits you from the dreams that you've set yourself.

My point of this rather long essay-type post is that I don't hate education, I was just being a little wuss and running away from something that was slightly more difficult than I expected. I was taking the easy way out, when we all know that if you work hard, you can play harder! Being nonchalant about things is not bad, but there is a time and place for it, and my timing and application of it was off. I just need to take everything, from my social life to my education life, day by day and hopefully it will pay off in the end ! :)

"Save tonight and fight the break of dawn. Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone"

I karate chopped a spider...

... or maybe it karate chopped me?

THURSDAY'S EVENTFUL MORNING

I was going about my regular routine. Catching the latest possible bus so I can sleep in a little bit longer (my bed is my bestest friend in the whole world). I wake up about an hour before my departure time. I do the usual - brush teeth, get dressed, and go down. I pretend that I want to eat breakfast (I only eat breakfasts on weekends). I drink a glass of water because I hear my mum's voice saying "when you wake up, the first thing you do is drink a glass of water". All of a sudden, the thought crosses my mind that I have not seen a spider in my kitchen lately (apparently, spiders think my house is a hotel). So I decide to look around the kitchen, and WHAT DO YOU KNOW, a spider is sitting on the wall. I start to internally freak out, but I have to get rid of it so I align myself on the wall to see if it has been killed and left to show other spiders their deadly future. It was very much alive.

Now here comes the hard part - killing it. I looked around my house for a fly swat, but it was hiding from me because it wanted to see me faint and freak out. So I decided to use a slipper. The problem with using shoes and slippers, I've noticed, is that if the bloody thing is almost near the crease of the wall, it renders my killing tactics from being effective. But I attempted it anyways...

What happened next made me freak out, feel embarrassed, and then ultimately laugh at myself. I hit the spider, but with my luck, and aim, and lack of hand-eye coordination, I missed the spider. The gust of wind that was created from the smack on the wall made the spider fall... towards me. Here's a girl who is petrified of bugs, especially spiders, and here's her very fear falling down on her. I turned into the 5th member of The Wiggles. I shook my entire body in such a way that if someone had to walk in on me at that moment, they would have thought I was having some kind of seizure or something. After what felt like 10 years (but really it was  a minute or two, tops), I stopped shaking and jumping and wiggling, and turned to my floor to find the little sucker to take away his second chance of life because he took away about 10 years of my life in those few minutes. After about another minute of searching, I decided to give up. My eyes automatically went to the wall to make sure he was not there, BUT the unfortunate bugger did not learn his lesson and was at eye level now, which gave me a lot more confidence (revved with vengeance) than I had before.

Everyone knows the ending to this brave story.

SUMMER 2013

• Take a long drive by myself and/or with friends just for fun
• Read at least 5 books
• Take the tube downtown
• Attempt to have a social life rather than an internet life
• Camping/Cottaging
• Sleepovers
• Disney Movie Marathon
• Buy movies I have/still will watch over again
• Bungee jump! - my ultimate summer goal! 
• Create a picture collage on my wall

"I don’t know if I’ll fall asleep tonight 'cause you won’t, just won’t get off my mind"

March Favourites

I will post new and/or favourite things of mine that were discovered (new) or used a lot of (favourites?) in a particular month :) They could include places I have visited, things I've done, things I'd like to do, things I'm in love with, ideas I like, things I've bought, new artists (and so on) that were present in that month.

I won't be doing these every month, as there would be quite a lot of repetition, but in the months that I have quite a few favourites, I will write about them :)

Black nail polish

Spring Days

StumbleUpon

No Twitter

Sony Xperia Z

Rekindling some friendships

Nature's Touch frozen fruits 

Bubble Baths

Bath & Body Works Foaming Soaps 

Mango Sweets

Osheaga (event)

POM juice

Grumpy Cat Memes

Baby Emma

Earth Hour

Burt's Bee Lip Balm

Lions Mini (chocolate)

FunForLouis

Digital Camera

Fishtail Braids

Park Lawn

"You're holding it in. You're pouring a drink"

Live the life you HAVE not the life you WANT.

Borrowed from CP's blog post, "You just weren't feeling it" 

You are single because you are single. It’s really as simple as that. You haven’t made the connection with another heart yet. You can get dolled up, dress cute, cut your hair, dye your hair, tweeze your eyebrows, put on lipstick and you may still. be. single. You can go out to a bar hoping to meet the love of your life and not find a damn one in the place attractive. And it’s going to remain that way until it’s time for you to find one. Stop hoping for it. Start living the life that you do have instead of wishing for things that you don’t have. There will come a time you’ll meet a boy and you’ll have to give up some of this single freedom you currently have. Start being more thankful. Start doing that now." ~Amanda Crute 

_______

This is a message to my future self:

Though you may be very optimistic about deadlines, and your ability to work well under pressure, it truly and completely sucks balls (for lack of a better word) when you are actually under the kind of pressure where you can't worm your way out. You are stuck. You don't know what to do anymore, and you just want to cry. You get to the point where you actually want to give up on everything in life and just stay in your bed for ever. It takes a toll on your body. It gives you headaches. It even gives you pimples. It makes you binge eat, which is never good. All I ask is that you end your procrastination a little earlier than two days before the deadline. Add an extra two days, it may make a difference. Please, Future Self. I beg of you. 

I used to be love drunk, but not I'm hungover

I want to crawl in a hole and stay there forever.

When I have stuff to do, I will find every possible thing to avoid doing it.
When I have stuff to do, I have plenty of other things that catches my attention.
When I have stuff to do, I read (for pleasure) a lot more than usual.
When I don't have anything to do, I crave for things to do.
When I don't have anything to do, time moves in slow-motion.
When I don't have anything to do, nothing interests me.
Why is this the case?

People have opinions. People have the right to have those opinions. But sometimes I just don't like people's opinions and I feel the need to make them see my way of thinking. But then I realize that does not really accept the fact that people have a right to their opinion and I must keep my thoughts to myself and just let it be.

Plans never work for me. Plans with friends tend to flop. Plans to work tend to flop. Plans. Plans. Plans. It's just something I cannot stick with. If I plan out my day, it will be all messed up and something with obstruct the flow of things and I won't get everything done... no matter if the plan consisted of 2 things. I guess I'm a spontaneous, works-under-pressure kinda person.

Time flies when you have things to do and you haven't started. Time flies when you're enjoying yourself. Time flies when you are in a really good conversation.

Have you ever had the dilemma of wanting to leave a place but you can't because it makes you smile (yet sad)? Starbucks attracts a lot of good looking folks to their tasty (but rather expensive) drinks. They also attract couples. Therefore, the dilemma here is that you get to see a whole lot of beautiful eyes, hair, face, style, and bums, but you also get to feel "forever alone". First world dilemmas.

No, I don't want a boyfriend. Yes, it would be nice. But I am happy with what I got and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I also realized that I have a few (let's be honest, a lot) of expectations which are somewhat unrealistic. They are not impossible, but to find them in one person is kind of a lot to ask for. I see couples around me, my friends in relationships and I feel like what most of them have is not something I would want. I realize I cannot say what I would do in a relationship since I have never been in one, but I do hope I at least don't do the things I don't like other people doing.

Hangover - the not-so-nice feelings you get after doing these things or experiencing the aftermaths of something.
I'm hungover. Hungover from all the handsome young fellas I have seen for the past 4 months. Hungover from all the work I have done and all the stress I still have. Hungover from everything that happened last month and the consequences it had. Hungover from the time I have wasted. Hungover from all the expectations I set myself. Hungover from annoying people. I'm hungover from life.

Rumbles. Jumbles. And a bunch of nonsense. Enjoy!

"But I think I'd feel naked without your shirt"

Friends. Feelings. Smoothies & Pancakes.

FRIENDS

I have started to talk to some old friends recently, as well as keep in touch with others. It feels good. I reminisce over all the good times I've had with them, and I have a slight hope that more great times will take place in the future

I have come to the realization that I put in a little too much effort in upholding some friendships. I need to learn that sometimes, people come and go. They create some amazing memories for you, they have shown you a wonderful time, but they have to leave. And you have to let go. Obviously I'm not going to cut them out of my life completely - I can't do that - but I'm going to make much less of an effort than I did before. I will definitely include them in plans I think they can join in and enjoy, but I won't try and have a conversation with them on a regular basis. I will also accept any plans they include me in, and I assure you that I will have a blast. I'm not going to take time out of my day if they don't take time out of theirs just to say "Hello" or "You alive?". 
This sounds a bit crude but I'm not trying to be. And I just realized that even with the "crudeness", I'm still where I am now. I mean, they will still be in my life. They will still be included in my plans. I will accept offers to join their plans. So what exactly am I changing? Haha, well I guess nothing. The only thing that is different is that I have this "revelation", that lets me know that I shouldn't feel bad for not keeping in touch because, in the end, life IS a two way street, and the effort should be balanced. 

There are some friends that are your sisters.
There are some friends that are your friends.
There are some friends that are your break-friends.
There are some friends that are just class-friends.
There are some friends that are only your friends when you are needed by them.
There are some friends that were best friends before.
There are some friends that are acquaintances. 

It dawned on me today that some friends stay friends because of the familiarity they feel of each other. They may not have much in common, they may sit in silence, but the fact of the matter is they feel comfortable around that person. Silence is not a bad thing. If you can sit in silence with someone, that's a gold friendship right there. BUT you also have to be able to keep up a conversation. And if you can't do that, it's kinda awkward, and boring. Familiarity is what keeps the friendship going, nothing more, in cases like these - in my opinion. 

FEELINGS

Have you ever come to the point where you have TONS of things to do but you have absolutely no motivation to do it all? Where you're brain shuts down and doesn't allow you to do anything related to that pile of work? Where you feel like crying but instead you just laugh because of the amount of time wasted? 

I think that feeling is something very close, if not it exactly, to giving up. Giving up and not caring about the consequences. Giving up and accepting the failures that will follow. It's not something you want, it's not something you planned, but it just takes over. It creeps in and makes excuses and diminishes your will to keep the motivation and to focus on the end game.Your brain just closes. Your heart sinks. And you have NO energy to lift yourself up and start again. You just want to crawl somewhere and stay there. 
But you know - and even I know - that we can't just sink to the bottom and stay there. We MUST swim back to the top. We must get up from rock bottom and start again. Begin the climb towards the end, towards your goals and finish it. And eventually, with these thoughts - and possibly pressure of not wanting to fail - will give you enough energy to kick you back into the right direction. 

SMOOTHIES & PANCAKES (Crepes)

I just wanted this in the title. It was my dinner last night :P 

Frozen berries, yogurt, milk, and a little sugar = SMOOTHIE! 
Flour, eggs, milk, oil, water, pinch of salt, and 1/2 an onion to fry = PANCAKES! 

"Your skin. The touch. The kiss. The rush. Too much"

Interesting

The impression of you that I get is that you are a sensitive person but are often wary of expressing your true thoughts and emotions. I feel that you have been hurt in the past and this may be the reason for your caution however, once you allow people to become a part of your life, i.e. by confiding in them or accepting their help or advice, you find it easier to develop a sense of trust and affinity.

There is something from your childhood which you are especially sensitive about, I'm not sure exactly what this is but I do know that it would take a very special person for you to confide this secret to. If this issue hasn't yet been resolved then you may feel a little ashamed of whatever this was but one message that comes through to me is that it was not your fault.

You have always tried your best in most of the things that you've done. You realize that you could have done better at times with certain projects but your interest simply wasn't there. You find it easy to concentrate on things that really interest you, but if someone tries to make you study a subject or project that you don't want to learn about then you tend to 'phase out'.

There was an artistic or musical interest that you had when you were younger that you could have developed but didn't. It may be that there were too many other things going on in your life at the time or that it simply wasn't the right time for you, I feel that you will probably go back to that interest at some time in the future and excel at it.

You lost someone very special in your past and this left you with a sense of loneliness or abandonment. You still miss this person but I figure you are now coming to terms with that loss. In a way it made you appreciate loved ones more; however you don't always show your true feelings.

You find the opposite sex intriguing. Sometimes you hate them, sometimes you love them. Your emotions seem to swing from high to low and back again.

You would like to be the centre of attention at times however most of the time you are happy to watch and observe. You don't like making a fool of yourself and you certainly wouldn't enjoy seeing your best friend or someone you really care about making a fool of themselves.

You have an overwhelming protective instinct. If someone you love annoys you then you will tell them so. If an outsider insults them then you instinctively jump to their defensive. It's as though 'It's alright for you to say that, but not for them to'.

You have certain colours that you like and will wear them depending on your mood. You are also sensitive to smell, you have favourite aromas and some memories that are associated to them e.g. bonfire night or your mother's favourite perfume or shampoo or perhaps a favourite dish i.e roast beef, curry, chicken or steak or perhaps even a tomato based recipe.

You are idealistic about the person you would like to eventually settle down with (if indeed you have not already met that person). You really want your relationship to work out and will do your utmost to make things work. However if your partnership is wrong then you have no hesitation in not making this effort.

You want to be happy in life. You hate hurting people and if this inadvertently does happen then you feel that hurt yourself. You are happy with your morals but would love to improve yourself in some way.

At the moment you are in some sort of quandary about the direction your life is taking you and there are decisions to be made. Making decisions is not always easy for you, you like to weigh up the options in your mind and find yourself swayed by outside distractions. In this area you should always trust your instinct.

Life is not always easy for you; often you meet obstacles just as you think you are reaching your goal. These setbacks can make you feel unsettled or even depressed at times but you have a knack of being able to bounce back.

When you look back on your life at some of the difficult times you realize that they seemed a lot worse at the time than they actually were. You are a survivor and are guided by hope and optimism.

Money can be an issue for you and you should learn to manage it more effectively. Although you have to rely on outside sources at times you would prefer to be totally independent in this area.

You dislike chaos and would be happier in a well organized environment but it seems that there is never enough time to carry out your well meaning intentions.

Some time ago there was a disastrous relationship that knocked your confidence somewhat. Although you are over that now, there are still times when you feel vulnerable and insecure. You want to be loved for who you are, not how others want you to be and you generally try to please most of the time however under extreme provocation you find it impossible to bottle up your feelings and minor explosions can occur.

In order to overcome this tendency you should learn to communicate more freely in the early stages of an impending crisis.

You enjoy travelling but something seems to be holding you back from being able to visit all the places you'd like to go. This could be money or other commitments or simply something within yourself that you have not yet acknowledged.

Children, or one in particular, will play an important part of your life and you will derive a great deal of pleasure from helping him or her. You will also find yourself re-thinking a lot of your original ideas as your experience and maturity grow.

"To him you are just another doll and I tried to warn you"